So I get pinged from 14 minutes away, and see its a heavy college-kid area.
I don't cancel (since I'm more cautious with Uber's new 'you're not really an independent contractor, and we will deactivate you for cancelling trips once you assess the rider, destination, and potential payout' rules.
I head toward the college area 'ping of doom'.
I text the riders, letting them know I'm 13 minutes away, 5 minutes away, and 1 minute away.
I get to a gated community, no gate code (right), and no response to any texts.
I KNOW, good times await, you say!
I call from the closed gate, and get the rider who ordered saying 'come down to another gate' (although the Uber address put me here, at this one), and I play along, asking him to text me the gate code.
I drive down to his new gate directions, and find there is a MASSIVE backup (looks like a 'demolition derby') of cars at the gate he's sent me to, and I WANT to cancel, but I'm thinking 'good thoughts', and don't.
I try calling him back as I'm finally next in line to get through the gate and still have no gate code, and I get no answer.
I slip in behind the driver ahead of me, dodging the gate coming down, and head to the pickup point.
I'm now 20 minutes in to my trip, with limited rider contact, and I see the writing on the wall, sadly.
I call back to tell him I'm outside, and he tells me to look for 3 people dressed 'like this (description)'.
I ask, "so you're not with them"?
He says NO.
OMG, the clue bird choir JUST SANG!
I see the college students, and I pull over and load everyone in.
I start to my trip, and see no destination is input (they have had 20 minutes to do it, but didn't).
I ask them what address we are going to?
I have 3 child-beasts (1 guy, 2 girls), masquerading as college-age adults, in the car with me I realize very quickly, due to the following facts.
I get from 'frat brother-stud' 'I know where we're going just start driving'.
I share with him how "I need to input the correct data now, before we start the drive, for Uber's insurance policy."
Buffy # 1, the apparent 4 year-old but now a sorority sister in back, says, "just drive, we don't want to wait on that stuff".
I again politely state that we need to put this information in to proceed on my journey with them, and I learn that NONE OF THEM have the address to where we are going, just a 'general knowledge' of the area.
I've also assessed that said child-beasts are all drunk, and a little high on 'Puff the magic dragon stuff'.
This is a true story, don't you stop reading now, you little doubting Thomas, you.
I politely ask my young 'just out of diapers, college students' to kindly text or call someone to get us a destination address.
These next words I'm about to type bring me much sadness, for 'frats' and 'sors' (i know, would you abbreviate country?, and all).
These young child-beasts took 13 MORE minutes of snapchats, instagrams, phone calls from folks calling them asking about their days adventures, which they each kindly answered, as if they were just hanging out, which in hindsight, I realize they were, like children waiting on recess to be over.
Finally, we got an address, and I entered it.
I've now had the pleasure of 43 minutes or so of time with this situation, and I'm about to got drop the young children off, finally.
As I start to head toward the gate, the ride is CANCELED, by the rider who is NOT in the car.
Oh, my heart just jumped with joy, don't you know.
I told my young child-beasts what just happened, and they briefly looked up from their snapchats (I kid you not when I tell you I saw them record at least 19 snapchat videos, play them back and laugh, and then send them off to other child beasts during this glorious time frame), Instagrams, etc to tell me no way!
They tried calling and texting the rider who ordered and canceled, but got voicemail.
Buffy # 2, said "I will just re-order you, since you're here anyway".
I made a HUGE mistake, I must say, and I shot myself in the proverbial head, RIGHT HERE, at this critical moment.
I first said, 'No, I should probably just call it a night, and let you guys order someone else'.
I was missing a surge near downtown Charlotte, and I was so capitalistically sad.
As I spoke these words, Buffy # 2 had already pressed her Uber button, and my screen lit up again.
I fall back on the time tested self-defense of 'I had a Pavlovian response' (Google it), and I watched that little Uber ticker start counting down, with these 3 child-beasts all watching me more than they had at any point till now.
I accepted it.
I shot myself in the proverbial head, right then, and not a priest in the world could give me proper last rights.
20 minutes LATER, after the wrong address was found to be entered for the destination (whoda thunk?), and I used my backup GPS to get them to their next party, I FINALLY dropped the child-beasts off.
My Uber-liscious fare was all of 16 bucks, for over an hour of my final, independent-contractor time.
What was my Uber-liscious rider score from these child-beasts, you ask?
Well, I guess my child-beasts scored me around a 1, based on the drop I saw the next morning.
The joke is on us.