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Uber Driver stories: Part Four

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Missing wallet

Saturday evening at drunk-thirty, picking up two of the city’s finest specimens. These two ‘gentlemen’ are in the back of my vehicle, and one of them is complaining about a bad experience at the bar.

“Dude, lemme tell you about this jerk, what he did. He said blah blah, then he did blah blah. What an ass!”

The second guy wasn’t really listening, but was trying to be a good friend by boosting his buddy’s ego. “Man, who cares what he said? He’s a jerk, and you’re the better guy. He’s just an ass, who cares?”

But the first guy wasn’t listening either. “Dude, you don’t understand! He’s done this to me before! There was this time at blah blah where he did blah blah and then he …”

Second guy, still not listening. “Listen, I don’t CARE what he said! It doesn’t matter! You’re your own man, you’re blah blah, and he’s just blah blah so I don’t give a crap about this shyt.”

The two ‘friends’ kept going, neither really listening to the other. Somehow, it escalated. Next thing you know, they are on the borderline of a fistfight, in my back seat!

One of the guys was practically shouting at the other: “Get your ____ hands off me! Don’t touch me! Don’t you ____ touch me, you ____!” Very tense back there.

Fortunately, there was no fight. Dropped them off at a house, and went on with my evening. Gave them a 1 star and requested to never me matched with them again.

Hours later I arrived at home. Checked my car for missing items, and what do you know … there is a wallet on the floor. <sarcasm> Oh, great! </sarcasm> Looked at the license, and it has the address of these would-be brawlers. Also, $350 cash in the wallet. Sigh. Yeah, they would miss that.

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No, I am not going to take the cash and dump the wallet, as much as I wanted to. My parents taught me better than that. Criticize all you want, I believe in Karma, and the money and the wallet are both pretty big things for a lot of people.

Sunday I started my shift in the late morning. Around 5pm Mr Wallet figures out that something is missing. My phone blows up with texts, emails, and phone calls, all of which I ignore (because I’m driving).

My shift ended around 7:30pm, and the messages were all geared towards having me call the Wallet guy. But there is NO WAY that I’m using my personal phone to call this guy, I don’t want him to have my number!

[I can just see it now, the future phone call at 2am: “Hey, is this ___? Remember me? You returned my wallet! Dude, you’re the best! Listen man, we’re at this bar and need a ride home, can you come pick us up? You’re the best driver ever! What? You’re 30 minutes away? No problem, man, we’ll wait.”] No thank you.

So I responded to one of the texts to Lyft, saying that I had found the wallet and would bring it to the hub Monday or Tuesday. They acknowledged with a text back, saying Great we will let the customer know.

Monday morning I start driving, and around 10am the calls, texts and emails start AGAIN. The text from Lyft is asking if I found the wallet. Their text is in the same thread in which they said they would let him know I found it!

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Can you believe this? I did a quick personal ethics evaluation and decided that I should call the guy, after all he’s probably in panic mode and borderline ready to call all his credit card companies, go to the DMV, have to re-order medical cards, etc. As bad as he was, my soft spot got the best of me. I called him and told him I found his wallet. I told him about how Lyft said they would notify him, but obviously they didn’t. In the back of my mind a phrase kept repeating: “No good deed goes unpunished.”

He really wants the wallet, can I bring it to him? “Uh, no. I just started my shift, I’m driving. What I will do is take the wallet to the Lyft hub, drop it off, and you can come pick it up from them whenever you want.”

That’s not good enough for him, he REALLY wants the wallet back right away, can he come pick it up from me? “No, I’m in (city) and you’re in (city). That’s a 45 minute drive one way, and I don’t know where I will be in 5 minutes from now (let alone 45). But when I drop it off at the Lyft office, which is half way between both of us, you can grab it whenever is convenient for you.”

He says he really wants to get it sooner, if I bring it up his way he will give me $100.

Okay, now I’m interested! 45 minute drive for $100? That’s a deal! “Where do you want to meet, maybe at a Starbucks right around there?”

He says “If you bring it to my house, I’ll make it an even $150.”

Boom! I was there in 38 minutes. He gave me $150 cash from his pocket. His hands were shaking as I handed him the wallet. I’m sure he wanted to count his money, but resisted the urge to do it in front of me.

Thank you Lyft, for being such morons. Let’s do it again sometime!



With love from Brazil

Couple guys flew in from Brazil and went to their AirBnB. The ordered a ride from there to a bar, I was the driver. Half way there one of them says “Wait! Do we need our passports to get drinks? What if we get carded? We have our Brazilian IDs, but do we need our passports?” I responded that I don’t know. We continued towards the bar.

Few minutes later I said “So, you guys are from Brazil?”

One of them asks “How did you know?”

I thought he was just messing around, and I carried on. “Oh, lucky guess.”

He says (in a VERY serious tone) “Let me guess. All Brazilian men look alike, right?”

Oh shoot, are you kidding me? “You just mentioned Brazilian IDs a minute ago.”

The guy says “When?!? We never said anything about being from Brazil!!”

?-?-? You’ve got to be kidding me! Got my 1 star the next day.



Close encounter of the wrong kind

(This story happened to another driver I know, a female driver, in a different market. I will try to tell it from her perspective, as it was told to me.)


Driving the late night crowd, was at it a bit later than normal. Time was nearing 3:30am, planned on just ‘one more ride’ before calling it quits.

Sitting in front of a closed restaurant waiting for the pax. Absolutely no one around. Very dark street, all alone, doors locked, watching the timer tick away. At just about the 5 minute mark a man walks up and flashes his phone, and taps on the door for me to unlock it (which I did).

Suddenly he jumps in the front seat and put his arm across my forearms, pinning them down! He told me to cancel the other pax. He moved his hand to my shoulder and I saw something black in his other hand, looked maybe like a stun gun.

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Now I’m scared shitless! This is the stuff nightmares are made of! The guy says to take him home and he will give me cash. He said he’s not getting out of my car, just take him home. In terms of my personal self defense ability, he was too close for me to try anything, it almost certainly would have ended poorly for me.

The location he gave was just 4 miles away. I drove him there, and the entire time he kept trying to make the conversation revolve around sex and sexual stuff. I played innocent and told him I don’t know anything about that sort of stuff. A couple of times he ‘accidentally’ slid his hand down from my shoulder onto my shirt. His excuse was “Sorry, I’m really tired, that’s why I’m trying to get home.”

When we got to the location, it turned out to be a park with a boat slip. He tried to get me to come out and join him on the boat. Are you freaking kidding?!? Fortunately, another man came out of nowhere and approached my car, waving a phone in the air, this new guy thought I was his Uber!

The first guy got spooked and jumped out of my car very quickly, tossed some cash on the seat and disappeared. I put my car in gear and GTFO of there!!

Afraid to report it to Uber, those assholes would probably deactivate me for giving a cash ride, or for cancelling on a pax, or for not verifying this guy before letting him in. Maybe all three.

Very scary! Ladies, beware!!


Too drunk

Four young women at bar close, they want to hit McDonald’s on the way home. I was still a new driver, so I said okay.

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One of the women had a huge fight with her boyfriend earlier that evening and was drunk beyond belief (what a surprise). We get in line at McD’s and wait…. And wait…. After about 10 minutes (still waiting for our turn at the window) the really drunk one opens the back door and gets out, and sits down on a pile of rocks up against the McD’s drive thru wall!

Okay, well if she needs to puke, better in the pile of rocks than in my car, right? Eventually she gets back in, we get our food, and continue on our way. Drunkie wants to go talk to her boyfriend, and despite her friends telling her what a bad idea that is, she makes the executive decision. Either take her there, or she will get out and walk there on her own! We alter course to drop her off at her boyfriend’s place.

No one knows exactly where the boyfriend lives. He is in one of those houses on 21st street, isn’t he? They all look the same at 2:45am, but drunkie will know which one it is, so just head over to 21st street.

We get to 21st and she says “just right up here”. I drop her off and offer (to the other girls) to wait until she gets in the door. Good idea, what a sweet driver! We watch her bang on the door for what seems like 5 minutes before some really old man opens the door and starts shouting at her for waking him up at 3am! One of her friends quickly looks up the boyfriend’s address: Oops! Wrong house! Her boyfriend lives on 23rd!

Drunkie realized the mistake (I think the yelling from the old man gave it away). She apologized to the guy and started walking towards 23rd. Apparently she didn’t realize that my car was still right there, and we could have given her a ride. Hey ladies, should we offer her a ride? They say “No, it’s only 2 blocks. The walk will do her good. But let’s follow her to make sure she gets there safe.”

Next 10 minutes spent driving along at 1mph for 2 blocks, watching her stumble sideways the whole way, she had no idea that we were tailing her. Her friends were having the time of their life videoing her and laughing at her dumb ass. I was thinking that this is probably what I looked like during most of my college years.


Never talk politics

A mother-daughter duo is in town checking out colleges. The mother happens to be a professor of Poli-Sci at some university back east.

Driving along, the mother randomly says “What I want to know is, how is Trump going to fill all these cabinet positions that he keeps vacating?”

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Oh no, not a political discussion! Basic rule of business: don’t talk politics or religion. Normally I can hold my own by blowing off these questions, changing the subject, or redirecting it back at them with a “I dunno, what do you think?” type of response. But this woman is a college professor, and this is her field. She is trained to elicit responses from students, then rip them to shreds when they are ‘wrong’! Son of a gun, how am I going to dodge this bullet?!?

The daughter says (in an exasperated voice): “Oh my GAWD mother, can we just go ONE DAY without talking POLITICS!!!”

It worked. Hooray! I love this kid!


Aren’t you …. Armando?

Nice sunny evening around 6pm. Dropped someone off. Drove a couple blocks and pulled over, checking my texts and emails. Out of nowhere two women in their upper 20s jumped in my back seat! I turned to face them.

Me: Hi ladies, what’s going on?

Them: “Oh, we’re going to sing karaoke with some friends at (bar) on (street).”

Me: Sounds like fun. How you getting there?

Them: (looks at my window, then points at my stickers) “Oh, you do both. We’re taking Lyft.”

I just nodded. At this point they started talking to each other and ignored me. They weren’t my customers, but I didn’t have a ping yet, so I just sat there patiently while they gossiped back and forth. After about two minutes they stopped talking and looked at me, presumably wondering why I wasn’t driving.

Me: You know, just the other day I was telling a friend of mine about this problem I’ve been having with hot women randomly jumping in my car. (pause) So… since your driver’s not here, do you want ME to take you?

Confusion sets in. One grabs her phone and brings up the Lyft screen. In her mind I’m sure she was crafting the complaint that she was going to send to Lyft along with my 1 star. She asks “Aren’t you …. Armando?”

Me: Well, if Armando is a stunningly handsome white guy who drives a (vehicle), then yes, that’s me.

They look at me, then at the picture on their phone and realize what a huge mistake they made. Confusion turns to panic. I figured this was a terrific life lesson, so I sat there silently staring at them. I smiled, and we had a stare-down for maybe 20 or 30 seconds; they were likely frozen in fear. Then a Lyft car pulled up and parked behind me.

Me: Oh look, that must be Armando. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you? Last chance…

They were off faster than a prom dress.


Missing passport

Picked up a man with a bunch of luggage headed to the airport. On the way there we were going to grab his wife from her work. Her shift is over in about 10 minutes, then it’s off to a sunny vacation!

Pick up the wife and continued on. The flight isn’t for another 4 hours; the ride to the airport is maybe 20-30 minutes.

Get most of the way there and the wife says “Did you get my passport?”

Husband: “Uhm, I got everything on the counter. I remembered your hair dryer.”

Wife: “But did you get my passport?”

Husband: “I…. think…. so….”

Wife: “It was on the dresser. Did you get it or not?”

Husband: “I’m…. I’m not sure.”

Wife (getting pissed): “I lost my wallet last week, REMEMBER? I NEED my passport to get through security!”

Husband: “I thought I grabbed everything….”

Wife: “I can’t believe you FORGOT!”

Me: “Good thing the flight isn’t for another four hours. Should we head back real quick?”

Husband: “Yes. Quick stop back to the apartment, I’m so sorry.”

Me: “No big deal, it’s a short drive back, I’m happy to help.”

Turn around and head back. Wife is seriously pissed and stewing in her own juices. Sitting there with her arms and legs crossed, big frown on her face and eyebrows pointed down like daggers.

Wife: “Hmmmpff. Note to self. When you ask him to get your passport, make sure you CALL HIM and make sure he actually GOT it. Hmmmpff.”

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We arrive at the apartment and the husband offers to run up and grab it.

Wife: “No, you stay here, I’LL go get it, and see if there’s anything ELSE you forgot!”

Wife gets out and storms upstairs.

Husband: “Dude, I am SO SORRY you have to deal with this!”

I was just glad it was him and not me! I’ve been in his shoes too many times. Nice apology tip from the husband in the app.


That jerk stole my ride!

Late night pickup at a transit center. As I pull in there are only two people in the parking lot, one getting in a Lyft and another walking towards the entrance. The other Lyft takes off with their pax, and I pull up to the only person left and roll down my window. The guy says “That jerk just stole my ride!”

I asked his name, he says Larry. I was waiting for Samantha. I said “Let me see if that was your ride” and called my pax. She answers, and I said “Hi there, this is your driver.”

She says “What? I’m already in the car.”

I responded “Well, you are in SOMEONE’S car, but it’s not MY car.”

She says “Hold on. Excuse me, sir. Sir? Sir? What’s my name? Sir, please get off the phone for a second. What do you think my name is? No. No. No, I’m not Larry. You need to take me back right now please. I’ll be right there, he’s bringing me back.”

Meanwhile, Larry was cancelling his non-ride and ordering another, and filing a complaint to get a refund. So the other driver is now without a ride.

When Samantha got in my car she told me “What an ass! I got in and said ‘Ride for Samantha?’ and the driver said Yes. Then I asked if we were going to (destination) and he said Yes. Then he started driving and just talked on the phone in (foreign language) the whole time. What a ____!”

Good times, eh?
 
Mr T

Comments

UberchickATL

Active Member
I enjoyed your stories but seriously, these are every day stories that happen to us all the time. Drive enough and think you’ve seen everything? Wrong, some pax will out stupid the last pax. Every day is an adventure.
 

Karen Stein

Well-Known Member
With this job you never know who you will meet next. Next trip you're door will open, and your fare might be the returned Jesus, or Satan himself, checking on his investments. Or, anywhere in between.

For example: Last Easter my city had a shooting. Police went to arrest someone on an outstanding warrant, the idiot pulls a gun, idiot gets killed, neighborhood riots. Dozens of cops injured, bricks pulled from walls to throw at cops, lots of arrests.

Naturally, a few days later I pick up at fare at Ground Zero, get the tale from him. No chance anyone would think I lived in the area. Gee, I sure felt loved.

Then, across town, I just happen to pick up the cop who tried to serve the warrant. Got to hear it from his perspective. Young guy, whole career ahead of him, not jaded yet. He was still shook up

I admit it is interesting to hear events told from different views. I got to calm the cop and explain to the spectator that the perp was a really bad apple.

Neighborhood psychiatrist, that's me.
 

Jumpin Jim

Well-Known Member
I enjoyed your stories but seriously, these are every day stories that happen to us all the time. Drive enough and think you’ve seen everything? Wrong, some pax will out stupid the last pax. Every day is an adventure.
Well ok then. Here's your chance to impress us with your best story...hope it's a whopper!
 

UberchickATL

Active Member
Well ok then. Here's your chance to impress us with your best story...hope it's a whopper!
I’ll give you the short versions.
1. I asked 40ish pax what he did for a living. Said his whole life he wanted to be an FBI spy. He went to spy school but because of his asbergers syndrome, he tested off the charts to become an assassin. They recruited him and he says now he just kills people and doesn’t even care about it. Then proceeds to tell me where to buy machine guns out of a guys trunk.
2. Picked up 2 young adult men. As I attempted to leave the apartment complex, police cars were blocking the exit. Officer shouted to get out of the car. Me and the guy behind me immediately get out. Other guy didn’t. Cop comes over, opens door, pulls him out, throws him up against police car and handcuffs him. Asked if I was uber, then said I was free to go.
3. Line of Uber’s to pick up day party of college kids. 4 guys are getting in my car, while girls are getting in car in front of me. While drunk girl is waiting to get in, she pees her pants. Guys are cracking up and taking pics. I wanted to warn the driver but she got in the car before I had a chance to. I still feel bad about that one.
4. This one happened yesterday.... young 20ish man gets in and asked me if I believe people that commit suicide can still go to heaven. Said his best friend had just killed himself. We had a long convo and by the time I dropped him off we were both crying. An hour later I find out that a man that fits his discription was just killed in a police shooting at the same complex. Man was erratic, covered in what appeared to be his own blood, brandished a knife and charged at officers. I can’t get it out of my head that it may have been this same man doing a police assisted suicide. My heart is breaking for all involved.

I have many more. I’ve been offered money for sex, mom leave her baby in the car as she ran in the store, had drunk dirreah man that refused to leave my car, etc... Every day is an adventure.
 
Last edited:

Mista T

Well-Known Member
Author
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10
I’ll give you the short versions.
1. I asked 40ish pax what he did for a living. Said his whole life he wanted to be an FBI spy. He went to spy school but because of his asbergers syndrome, he tested off the charts to become an assassin. They recruited him and he says now he just kills people and doesn’t even care about it. Then proceeds to tell me where to buy machine guns out of a guys trunk.
2. Picked up 2 young adult men. As I attempted to leave the apartment complex, police cars were blocking the exit. Officer shouted to get out of the car. Me and the guy behind me immediately get out. Other guy didn’t. Cop comes over, opens door, pulls him out, throws him up against police car and handcuffs him. Asked if I was uber, then said I was free to go.
3. Line of Uber’s to pick up day party of college kids. 4 guys are getting in my car, while girls are getting in car in front of me. While drunk girl is waiting to get in, she pees her pants. Guys are cracking up and taking pics. I wanted to warn the driver but she got in the car before I had a chance to. I still feel bad about that one.
4. This one happened yesterday.... young 20ish man gets in and asked me if I believe people that commit suicide can still go to heaven. Said his best friend had just killed himself. We had a long convo and by the time I dropped him off we were both crying. An hour later I find out that a man that fits his discription was just killed in a police shooting at the same complex. Man was erratic, covered in what appeared to be his own blood, brandished a knife and charged at officers. I can’t get it out of my head that it may have been this same man doing a police assisted suicide.

I have many more. I’ve been offered money for sex, mom leave her baby in the car as she ran in the store, had drunk dirreah man that refused to leave my car, etc... Every day is an adventure.
Sounds like some good stories in the making. Write em down, turn them into paragraphs, and send them to the admin.
 

Retired Senior

Well-Known Member
Ï have many more. I’ve been offered money for sex, mom leave her baby in the car as she ran in the store, had drunk diarrhea man that refused to leave my car, etc... Every day is an adventure."
[/QUOTE]

Wow! I have been doing this job for 3 years and don't have the experiences that you have had!

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Rakos

Well-Known Member
That's nothing fellas and girls...

Imagine the reactions I get...

When they jump in my car...

And see a monkey is driving....8>O

reactions PRICELESS!!!

Rakos
gedc0022.jpg
 

Michael1230nj

Well-Known Member
The missing wallet story. Either toss it or return it. The guys suppose to not cancel his credit cards until the Uber driver gets back to him in a few days? Wtf?
 

Blatherskite

Well-Known Member
Every July fourth there is a big stone skipping contest held on Mackinac island, Michigan. What say we inaugurate a similar, public tradition only substituting prop lost-wallets for river stones?
 

Waingro

Well-Known Member
Driving along, the mother randomly says “What I want to know is, how is Trump going to fill all these cabinet positions that he keeps vacating
Start talking about real estate prices and land tax increases and how you have to drive to keep your home in your hands. For some reason, Liberals do not like you being self-sufficient and a property owner. If you really want to go there start talking about the right to defend your property and to stop communism.
 
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