Potty break

UberBastid

Well-Known Member
So, I been driving for about three hours without a break, stayed behind the wheel.
Got a call to a local hotel, an airport ride. When I got out to help with luggage, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. And, it was going to be a sit-down job.
Went to the airport, dropped off. Thought about going in there, but no place to park and a ticket was a sure thing ... so, drove to a big box department store nearby. Asked the clerk, "can I use your restroom" and she said, "Sure" and pointed me to the right back corner.
I go back there and there's a "Mens" room and a "Ladies" room. I tried the mens room and it was locked. No sign, just locked. I figured it was a single seater, so I waited. Now, it's getting urgent. Finally its go time. It's going to happen whether I'm standing up in clothes, or sitting on the pot. It's going to happen RFN.
So, I walk into the Ladies room. It's empty. I go to the far stall, close and lock the door, and .... ahhhhhhhh.
I get done, do the paperwork, dress, exit the stall to the wash basin and ... yup, someone walks in. A middle aged woman with a face like a catchers mitt, she starts @@@@@ing me out. "Why are you in here? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" The comments and questions were flying so fast I couldn't get a word in. She waddles out - I dry my hands.
When I leave she is in the process of retrieving the manager. A 25 yr old pimply faced kid who's trying to act all in-charge. He starts doing the same thing. I can't get a word in. Finally he says that the police have been called.
I say, "I'm not going to wait for the police unless you want to place me under citizens arrest." I get a blank stare: "Do you really want to go there? The way laws are in California for transgender people ... you really want to go there?" He paused, the old broad is egging him on ... I handed him a business card and said, "When the cops get here, if they want to talk to me they can always reach me at this number."
He says, "You can't leave." I say, "Am I under arrest?" By now other people are watching and listening. He says, "Are you transgender?" I said, "I am not answering any questions without an attorney. Am I under arrest?"
About that time, security arrives and asks what's going on. Again, I can't get a word in because both the manager and the catchers mitt are talking at the same time. The security guy (an old guy like me) finally stops them both. I start heading for the door with the sec guy RIGHT on my heels.
When I get to the front door I stopped and turned around and said to the guard, "Am I being detained?" He grinned and said, "Of course not." I said, "Can I go?" He said, "You can go wherever you want to go." and I left.
Never got a call from the cops either.
 

Rakos

Well-Known Member
So, I been driving for about three hours without a break, stayed behind the wheel.
Got a call to a local hotel, an airport ride. When I got out to help with luggage, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. And, it was going to be a sit-down job.
Went to the airport, dropped off. Thought about going in there, but no place to park and a ticket was a sure thing ... so, drove to a big box department store nearby. Asked the clerk, "can I use your restroom" and she said, "Sure" and pointed me to the right back corner.
I go back there and there's a "Mens" room and a "Ladies" room. I tried the mens room and it was locked. No sign, just locked. I figured it was a single seater, so I waited. Now, it's getting urgent. Finally its go time. It's going to happen whether I'm standing up in clothes, or sitting on the pot. It's going to happen RFN.
So, I walk into the Ladies room. It's empty. I go to the far stall, close and lock the door, and .... ahhhhhhhh.
I get done, do the paperwork, dress, exit the stall to the wash basin and ... yup, someone walks in. A middle aged woman with a face like a catchers mitt, she starts @@@@@ing me out. "Why are you in here? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" The comments and questions were flying so fast I couldn't get a word in. She waddles out - I dry my hands.
When I leave she is in the process of retrieving the manager. A 25 yr old pimply faced kid who's trying to act all in-charge. He starts doing the same thing. I can't get a word in. Finally he says that the police have been called.
I say, "I'm not going to wait for the police unless you want to place me under citizens arrest." I get a blank stare: "Do you really want to go there? The way laws are in California for transgender people ... you really want to go there?" He paused, the old broad is egging him on ... I handed him a business card and said, "When the cops get here, if they want to talk to me they can always reach me at this number."
He says, "You can't leave." I say, "Am I under arrest?" By now other people are watching and listening. He says, "Are you transgender?" I said, "I am not answering any questions without an attorney. Am I under arrest?"
About that time, security arrives and asks what's going on. Again, I can't get a word in because both the manager and the catchers mitt are talking at the same time. The security guy (an old guy like me) finally stops them both. I start heading for the door with the sec guy RIGHT on my heels.
When I get to the front door I stopped and turned around and said to the guard, "Am I being detained?" He grinned and said, "Of course not." I said, "Can I go?" He said, "You can go wherever you want to go." and I left.
Never got a call from the cops either.

This is why I like being an older person...

The young ones have a hard time...

Getting their head around things...

When I've got to go... I've got to go..

I'll use whatever bathroom I can find...

It's usually an emergency so look out...8>)

Rakos

PS. You don't want to follow me in a bathroom...monkey poo smells horrible...
 
Last edited:

Ardery

Well-Known Member
So, I been driving for about three hours without a break, stayed behind the wheel.
Got a call to a local hotel, an airport ride. When I got out to help with luggage, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. And, it was going to be a sit-down job.
Went to the airport, dropped off. Thought about going in there, but no place to park and a ticket was a sure thing ... so, drove to a big box department store nearby. Asked the clerk, "can I use your restroom" and she said, "Sure" and pointed me to the right back corner.
I go back there and there's a "Mens" room and a "Ladies" room. I tried the mens room and it was locked. No sign, just locked. I figured it was a single seater, so I waited. Now, it's getting urgent. Finally its go time. It's going to happen whether I'm standing up in clothes, or sitting on the pot. It's going to happen RFN.
So, I walk into the Ladies room. It's empty. I go to the far stall, close and lock the door, and .... ahhhhhhhh.
I get done, do the paperwork, dress, exit the stall to the wash basin and ... yup, someone walks in. A middle aged woman with a face like a catchers mitt, she starts *****ing me out. "Why are you in here? What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" The comments and questions were flying so fast I couldn't get a word in. She waddles out - I dry my hands.
When I leave she is in the process of retrieving the manager. A 25 yr old pimply faced kid who's trying to act all in-charge. He starts doing the same thing. I can't get a word in. Finally he says that the police have been called.
I say, "I'm not going to wait for the police unless you want to place me under citizens arrest." I get a blank stare: "Do you really want to go there? The way laws are in California for transgender people ... you really want to go there?" He paused, the old broad is egging him on ... I handed him a business card and said, "When the cops get here, if they want to talk to me they can always reach me at this number."
He says, "You can't leave." I say, "Am I under arrest?" By now other people are watching and listening. He says, "Are you transgender?" I said, "I am not answering any questions without an attorney. Am I under arrest?"
About that time, security arrives and asks what's going on. Again, I can't get a word in because both the manager and the catchers mitt are talking at the same time. The security guy (an old guy like me) finally stops them both. I start heading for the door with the sec guy RIGHT on my heels.
When I get to the front door I stopped and turned around and said to the guard, "Am I being detained?" He grinned and said, "Of course not." I said, "Can I go?" He said, "You can go wherever you want to go." and I left.
Never got a call from the cops either.
lol... you had me at "catchers mitt"
 

Dchap08

Active Member
I've done the same thing, but in a single seater. I was also met with a look of disgust and a @@@@@ing out from a lady when I exited.

I smiled, proceeded to remind her that its a single stall and women regularly use the men's room and that all single restrooms in California can be used by any gender, regardless of her opinion.

I smiled much bigger as I walked away as I had just dropped a huge deuce and she was in for a smelly surprise.
 

UberBastid

Well-Known Member
I think you made that way more complicated than it had to be.
All you had to say the moment your were questioned is tell the truth (like your mama taught you) "sorry, it was an emergency. I couldn't wait for the men's room".

Everyone would have understood.
I tried to.
The catchers-mitt-face-lady wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise.
The pimply-faced 'manager' wouldn't either.
Every time I opened my mouth to say something, they'd start talking over me.
I could have shouted them down, but I don't think that would have made things better.
I finally got the message that they didn't want to hear anything I had to say, so I shut up.
I was not going to beg their forgiveness for my perceived trespass, so I would not use the word "sorry" as I had nothing to apologize for. There were individual stalls with doors on each one, no one's privacy was at risk -- and in fact nobody was in the room with me. I had nothing to be sorry about.
 

Another Uber Driver

Well-Known Member
Moderator
I inform them that this is the Bastion of Our Democracy. It is the Great Leveller.
It matters not who you are, what you are, who you think that you are, what you think that you are, how much money you have, how much your clothes cost, what you know, whom you know or whom you blow: When ya' gotta' go, YA GOTTA' GO!
 

UberBastid

Well-Known Member
I inform them that this is the Bastion of Our Democracy. It is the Great Leveller.
It matters not who you are, what you are, who you think that you are, what you think that you are, how much money you have, how much your clothes cost, what you know, whom you know or whom you blow: When ya' gotta' go, YA GOTTA' GO!
... and in this particular case, YER GUNNA GO.

I can hear the announcement echoing over the store intercom: "Clean up on isle four, and five."
 

NoDay

Well-Known Member
Next time you have options, you could say "What are you doing in the men's room lady!"
OR, if you really don't like that kid, you could email cooperate and be like "he made me feel uncomfortable asking if i am transgender. I feel like he was discriminating against my lifestyle. Who does my lawyer need to contact?" You don't have to say what your lifestyle is, at the least he will get a talking to, at the most he will get fired. Lessons to be learned.

At my day job, there are two main bathrooms. The North side bathroom has the men's on the south facing door, where as the south sides men's bathroom is the north facing door. polar opposites.

More than once (in 12 years) have gone to the other side of the building and accidentally chose the wrong door, never sat down, but have walked in. The only confusing part was when I saw Helen (formerly John). She would go into either.
 

UberBastid

Well-Known Member
UPDATE
==============
I went back to the big box store. Wifey had to go there for her own emergency -- needed a light green blouse to go with those pants ... you know, THOSE pants .... 'of course', says I.
I'm thinking ... no way anybody will remember me.
Hooo boy. Can ya guess where this story is going?

So, we get a dozen steps inside the front door and one of the ladies working check out looks at me, then does a double take. Then says something to the checker in the aisle next to her. They both giggle.
I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.
Now, wifey doesn't know the story that you know, at least not at this point.

We go shopping for just the right light green blouse, I'm bored outta my gourd, (you've seen us before, bored hubbys waiting for wifey) when this cute little girl with a name tag (Misty, or Mindy or ... something) walks up and in a Valley Girl voice says, "Yer the guy, huh?" I'm like, oh gawd and she smiles and says, "yer the guy that deuced in the ladies room." I'm all, "go away kid, yer bothering me. I don't know what you're talking about". She says, "Yea, you ARE the guy. That was AWESOME dude. Facking awesome." Now, wifey is walking towards me with a big question mark on her face.

She goes on to say that the whole store is talking about it. They want to put it in their unofficial newsletter. She said that the pimply faced manager needed a couple of extra hits offa his inhaler after I left, and the security guy couldn't stop laughing spontaneously all day. Now, I gotta tell wifey the story, in front of Misty-Mandy. And Misty-Mandy filled in parts ... oh jeeze. She even asked for my autograph and took a selfie with me.

Now, wifey is mad at me because she feels like she can't go back to Kohls. She is just SO embarrassed.
You'd think she'd be used to that -- after all we been married for 35 years.

Dammit.
 
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