Love letters to pax

yankdog

Well-Known Member
Dear Paul,

Try learning how to be where you are supposed to be and on time rather than hitting redial 5 times. Both you and your calls have one thing in common. Neither will be picked up. Thanks for the cancellation fee. Let's play again? Maybe. But at this point in life I'm going in a different direction.

Best,

Yankie
 

Brandon0315

Well-Known Member
Dear Michelle,

Nice try in dropping your pin across from a location that you knew would most likely deny you a pickup. Your assumption was right. I'm guessing that your previous requests were ignored or cancelled and you thought that this handy trick would work well... However, I am thankful that you called immediately to tell me that you were at the grocery store, as it gave me ample time to determine exactly where to park and collect my no show fee. Lastly, I would like to thank you for the free $5; I was craving a shake from ChickFilA and you made it happen.

Kind Regards,
C.
 

koyotemohn

Well-Known Member
Dearest Mari....

The scent of other people's food in my car triggers me on a molecular level. U aren't the first and you won't be the last but dag...u trigger my sense of territory in what is my mobilized office environment....but listening to how your roommate Devonna inserts medicine for her yeast infection or shaving her armpits/pubes in front of her other roommates ....or how you hate being called a coon for choosing to date outside your lane combined with your political leanings but will never so much as talk to a fairskinned woman due to your boundary issues...or how you are like minded with friends finding their way into politrix and activism looking to "do big things".... all this mess is just not what this mutt is meant for as he drives you from a to b. I don't know why you feel safe exposing yourself to strangers like that...and I have probably done worse...but something in me still thinks it's gross, lame and an unnecessary part of this business transaction.

It's not a shred of my business so yes I will dowse the environment with acid techno as I deal with the city traffic you could never handle.

I can drown you out with my music frequencies. I should never be subject to you intimate phone calls. Yuck.

Also ...As you get into people's cars...please check the identity and destination of your driver...if you were on Uber I would have left you and collected a noshow...

Just do it for public frickin safety lest one day u run the risk of the hoe in the woods.

But it's all good.

One way or another you will learn rideshare etiquette and conduct.
 
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koyotemohn

Well-Known Member
Dear Tracy,

I'm not here to take call or to do Easter egg hunts on pools. If I see you in the parking lot ready...hop in and enjoy the cheap ride at my expense....oh not ready?

I saw you waving me down as I left the pickup point and turned onto the street.

Jean-Paul said..."I think that is her" as you tried to stop my car as I was pulling away.

Little did he know...how much you made my day...

I guess I'm writing to let you know that uberx offers phone service while Uberpool is too cheap to afford that anytime of day.

Xoxo my butt on bothsides

Tough love no lube Uber style is here to stay.
 

New2This

Well-Known Member
Dear Marcy,

You got lucky that I was in a good mood and that you didn't piss me off. Otherwise your coddled little lilly white snowflake ass would've been up shit creek without a proverbial paddle. Hopefully after this you'll pay attention to the difference between N.E. D.C. & N.W. D.C. That difference is critical.

When you got in the car, the app said you were going to the 2400 block of 14th Street N.E. I said that because of a race and traffic being bad near the baseball stadium it would take some time. That should've been a clue, since you said you have been in this area for 5 years.

The look on your face as we got to the address was priceless (14th and Montana avenue N.E.). Perhaps if you hadn't been so busy talking with whatever Mensa member you were gossiping with about someone deleting Snapchat, you might have noticed this wasn't 'your friend's neighborhood'. When I said 'we're here' your squirming was awesome. I was tempted to let you get out and fend for yourself, but leaving a snowflake white chick with a suitcase there would've been mean and would've meant too many questions from cops at some point.

The next time I'll bet you check to make sure it's N.W. in the app.

Yours in Christ

Troy
 
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koyotemohn

Well-Known Member
Dear Igit,

Look bruh...first you order poop for 2 people instead of one....there by filling my car and making hard for quest.fine but not fine....then you hop in the back with Dan. Dan the burly Nigerian strongman with that weird world cologne at least understood that after the checklist of name, seatbelt and we are gonna be quiet n listen to African electronic night music...I don’t need to talk. I don’t want to network and I’m fine with never seeing you again after this a to b business transaction. When I told you “imma leave you alone and let me know if you need anything”..what .i really meant was “I’m going to get to work now”

But then you went there.

Leaving your black friends and going to the apartment that they could never afford to live in midtown...you questioned my African name. In the language your liberalese arse learned from elsewhere.

And then you said that “oh so you are really African ?”

Look...shallow skin poop partaker...with your weeded our hippie halfwits about you.

My life is not up for your faux cogent analysis...I don’t need to be in the new inventory of your new black friends.

So that is why I said:

Igit...I am west African and my family was part of forced migration and now I am driving this car”

I don’t want to bond with you. Your kind tends to want everything except the burden of being black in America.

Any other questions, Igit???

Any other naive arse commentary about how I got my name , IGIT?

Yes I know you want to be dropped off at your apartment buildings driveway instead of walking 25 feet from the corner...but THANKU for reminding me.

I want loud music n quiet poopers while I meet my quota.

Dan laughed so hard after you left...he was shocked by the fact I knew you were jibbering African language and I had none of it.

So look you kumbaya clubfoot genius, you take a uberpoop and I am your driver imma be real. Last thing I want is anything to do with you unless you are the kind of lady I be looking for...and the truth is I just want to drive and listen to my music and get you to where you want to go.

Just shut up.

And thanks for taking the hint.
 
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yankdog

Well-Known Member
Dear Igit,

Look bruh...first you order poop for 2 people instead of one....there by filling my car and making hard for quest.fine but not fine....then you hop in the back with Dan. Dan the burly Nigerian strongman with that weird world cologne at least understood that after the checklist of name, seatbelt and we are gonna be quiet n listen to African electronic night music...I don’t need to talk. I don’t want to network and I’m fine with never seeing you again after this a to b business transaction. When I told you “imma leave you alone and let me know if you need anything”..what .i really meant was “I’m going to get to work now”

But then you went there.

Leaving your black friends and going to the apartment that they could never afford to live in midtown...you questioned my African name. In the language your liberalese arse learned from elsewhere.

And then you said that “oh so you are really African ?”

Look...shallow skin poop partaker...with your weeded our hippie halfwits about you.

My life is not up for your faux cogent analysis...I don’t need to be in the new inventory of your new black friends.

So that is why I said:

Igit...I am west African and my family was part of forced migration and now I am driving this car”

I don’t want to bond with you. Your kind tends to want everything except the burden of being black in America.

Any other questions, Igit???

Any other naive arse commentary about how I got my name , IGIT?

Yes I know you want to be dropped off at your apartment buildings driveway instead of walking 25 feet from the corner...but THANKU for reminding me.

I want loud music n quiet poopers while I meet my quota.

Dan laughed so hard after you left...he was shocked by the fact I knew you were jibbering African language and I had none of it.

So look you kumbaya clubfoot genius, you take a uberpoop and I am your driver imma be real. Last thing I want is anything to do with you unless you are the kind of lady I be looking for...and the truth is I just want to drive and listen to my music and get you to where you want to go.

Just shut the f-ckkkkkkk up.

And thanks for taking the hint.
The anger brought a tear of joy
 

New2This

Well-Known Member
Dear Igit,

Look bruh...first you order poop for 2 people instead of one....there by filling my car and making hard for quest.fine but not fine....then you hop in the back with Dan. Dan the burly Nigerian strongman with that weird world cologne at least understood that after the checklist of name, seatbelt and we are gonna be quiet n listen to African electronic night music...I don’t need to talk. I don’t want to network and I’m fine with never seeing you again after this a to b business transaction. When I told you “imma leave you alone and let me know if you need anything”..what .i really meant was “I’m going to get to work now”

But then you went there.

Leaving your black friends and going to the apartment that they could never afford to live in midtown...you questioned my African name. In the language your liberalese arse learned from elsewhere.

And then you said that “oh so you are really African ?”

Look...shallow skin poop partaker...with your weeded our hippie halfwits about you.

My life is not up for your faux cogent analysis...I don’t need to be in the new inventory of your new black friends.

So that is why I said:

Igit...I am west African and my family was part of forced migration and now I am driving this car”

I don’t want to bond with you. Your kind tends to want everything except the burden of being black in America.

Any other questions, Igit???

Any other naive arse commentary about how I got my name , IGIT?

Yes I know you want to be dropped off at your apartment buildings driveway instead of walking 25 feet from the corner...but THANKU for reminding me.

I want loud music n quiet poopers while I meet my quota.

Dan laughed so hard after you left...he was shocked by the fact I knew you were jibbering African language and I had none of it.

So look you kumbaya clubfoot genius, you take a uberpoop and I am your driver imma be real. Last thing I want is anything to do with you unless you are the kind of lady I be looking for...and the truth is I just want to drive and listen to my music and get you to where you want to go.

Just shut the f-ckkkkkkk up.

And thanks for taking the hint.


giphy-3.gif
 

Kawiz03

Well-Known Member
Dear Dan,

Thank you for deciding to take a Uber from your house to the 7-Eleven two blocks away. Maybe you where to high or drunk to safely traverse the dangerous hike up 18th Street in Adams Morgan to get there in one piece. Maybe you where afraid to walk for fear of other hipsters or the fact you may have tripped walking who knows? Oh and thank you for slamming the door so I could make sure you had closed it correctly.

Thanks for the crappy $4 it really changed my life!!
 

koyotemohn

Well-Known Member
Dear. Quentrellis.

Whatever the @@@@ your name is...I dunno.

Here is why you are beneath my contempt. I got home at 4 am the night of the Colin mcGregor/mayfield fight.

I crashed and left for work at 8 am...and I picked you up at those Howard dorms.

You sat in front...you get to see me with the crust in my eyes n you were the first ride.

Your girl friends sat in back and you all were going to church...I guess you were all part of the choir...as your girl kept making eyes on me singing to the jazz beat. She sure was cute n gussed up.

I know who you are.

I watched you pull out your cellphone and ding me...I check my rating and bing u did.

How are you going to go and worship your skydaddy and get off on shitting on me?

Help me understand you vile lame excuse for a church kid in them acid washed jeans.

There is a deep saying in our hood that applies to all of us.

Not all skinfolk are kinfolk.

No I’m not going to change your rating and avoid you.

I work the hu circuit because I know how to serve young adults from that area.

If you ever step foot in my car again my inner road man will have to have a couple of words with you.

See you soon.
 

UluValea

Well-Known Member
Dearest John,

I had the sincerest pleasure of having you in my car the other day.

I absolutely love when pax like yourself use the pin drop feature in the rider app, it's just shows you all care so much.

From your stoic conversation, to the eloquent critique of my driving style.

I was sad that you decided to end our time together 5 blocks early. I really did try my best to ensure we spent the most time possible together.

John, you hold a special place in my heart and I hope that our paths cross once again.
 

yankdog

Well-Known Member
Dearest John,

I had the sincerest pleasure of having you in my car the other day.

I absolutely love when pax like yourself use the pin drop feature in the rider app, it's just shows you all care so much.

From your stoic conversation, to the eloquent critique of my driving style.

I was sad that you decided to end our time together 5 blocks early. I really did try my best to ensure we spent the most time possible together.

John, you hold a special place in my heart and I hope that our paths cross once again.
Love a good Dear John Letter
 
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