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Got offered a hummer tonight

2K views 11 replies 11 participants last post by  Another Uber Driver 
#1 ·
And I don't mean the vehicle. Very, very VERY drunk Lesbian gets into my ride. I'm already counting down the minutes until she's out of my car. The first few minutes she's rambling incoherently but she was cordial enough when I handed her my Amazon special "just in case" vomit bag. After about 5 minutes she asks "you picking up what I'm putting down?" To which I respond "to be honest you are a little hard to follow right now." I had her on auto-tuneout, a skill mastered early on in my marriage. Then out of nowhere she blurts out "I'm a lesbian but I like D***".

"Now we're getting somewhere" I think to myself. After probing :) her for more details I gather that he is just out of a gay relationship and has been messing around with guys and proceeds to offer me some special attention. My thought process in order:

1) I need to find a dark place to park STAT!
2) I'm married
3) Should I leave the meter running? (obviously a yes). I mean, how often do you get paid for this.
4) How good would it really be if she's playing for the other team?

I weigh my options while still hoping she doesn't vomit in my car. She touches my elbow (caresses?). I think, "that's not it honey." Any woman who has made this offer holds a special place in my heart and I appreciate the gesture. I opt for the "good husband" route and tell her I'm happily married. A few minutes later she offers again and then asks if I'm in a relationship. I tell her I'm married and she seems genuinely surprised. She then tells me I'm a great guy and stumbles out of her car to her house.

TL; DR: She didn't tip.
 
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#2 ·
And I don't mean the vehicle. Very, very VERY drunk Lesbian gets into my ride. I'm already counting down the minutes until she's out of my car. The first few minutes she's rambling incoherently but she was cordial enough when I handed her my Amazon special "just in case" vomit bag. After about 5 minutes she asks "you picking up what I'm putting down?" To which I respond "to be honest you are a little hard to follow right now." I had her on auto-tuneout, a skill mastered early on in my marriage. Then out of nowhere she blurts out "I'm a lesbian but I like D***".

"Now we're getting somewhere" I think to myself. After probing :smiles: her for more details I gather that he is just out of a gay relationship and has been messing around with guys and proceeds to offer me some special attention. My thought process in order:

1) I need to find a dark place to park STAT!
2) I'm married
3) Should I leave the meter running? (obviously a yes). I mean, how often do you get paid for this.
4) How good would it really be if she's playing for the other team?

I weigh my options while still hoping she doesn't vomit in my car. She touches my elbow (caresses?). I think, "that's not it honey." Any woman who has made this offer holds a special place in my heart and I appreciate the gesture. I opt for the "good husband" route and tell her I'm happily married. A few minutes later she offers again and then asks if I'm in a relationship. I tell her I'm married and she seems genuinely surprised. She then tells me I'm a great guy and stumbles out of her car to her house.

TL; DR: She didn't tip.
And you saved having to wash a bunch of vomit out of your pubes.
 
#4 ·
And I don't mean the vehicle. Very, very VERY drunk Lesbian gets into my ride. I'm already counting down the minutes until she's out of my car. The first few minutes she's rambling incoherently but she was cordial enough when I handed her my Amazon special "just in case" vomit bag. After about 5 minutes she asks "you picking up what I'm putting down?" To which I respond "to be honest you are a little hard to follow right now." I had her on auto-tuneout, a skill mastered early on in my marriage. Then out of nowhere she blurts out "I'm a lesbian but I like D***".

"Now we're getting somewhere" I think to myself. After probing :smiles: her for more details I gather that he is just out of a gay relationship and has been messing around with guys and proceeds to offer me some special attention. My thought process in order:

1) I need to find a dark place to park STAT!
2) I'm married
3) Should I leave the meter running? (obviously a yes). I mean, how often do you get paid for this.
4) How good would it really be if she's playing for the other team?

I weigh my options while still hoping she doesn't vomit in my car. She touches my elbow (caresses?). I think, "that's not it honey." Any woman who has made this offer holds a special place in my heart and I appreciate the gesture. I opt for the "good husband" route and tell her I'm happily married. A few minutes later she offers again and then asks if I'm in a relationship. I tell her I'm married and she seems genuinely surprised. She then tells me I'm a great guy and stumbles out of her car to her house.

TL; DR: She didn't tip.
Never underestimate a Lesbians oral skills.
Never.
 
#12 ·
2) I'm married
Continue to pay heed to this, if for no other reason than what could happen if wife learned of it. There are other reasons not to do it. NEVER mess with a female passenger, ESPECIALLY a drunk female passenger. Ask me how I know this.

As Washington's Own @Alidean will so well advise you, "Keep out of the News".

I opt for the "good husband" route and tell her I'm happily married.
You made the smart choice; for more than one reason.

She then tells me I'm a great guy and stumbles out of her car to her house.
If nothing else, you were the smart guy. ALWAYS do it this way.

TL; DR: She didn't tip.
:roflmao:

I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole.
This is the smart way to do it.
 
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