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Got a 1 star for trying to be funny?

Hans GrUber

Well-Known Member
One of the most soul crushing but important lessons of this job has been to stop with the jokes. My whole life I've tried to fill the role of the funny guy. It's been a double-edged sword, a polarizer. I've kind of just stopped, being much more professional bc I've had some rides that have gone HORRIBLY after a joke bombed. I also don't get invited out like I used to, which is a bummer but I've really adopted the clock in-clock out mentality.

Putting it simply, if you want to avoid problems and if this is your sole source of income, stop with the jokes.
 

Kodyhead

Well-Known Member
If you downrate a driver it doesnt show up for a week fyi so if your rating went down it's probably a ride from at least a week ago
 

Eber88

Well-Known Member
The best one star for my big mouth was when a snowflake visiting from San Francisco commented that the Redding area was beautiful. Then he asked how long I've lived here and I told him I been here for 25 years and moved from San Francisco. He said, "I bet you've seen a lot of changes." I said, "Yea, more and more commies from San Francisco move here and bring their voting habits and delinquent children with them - its not good changes."
Quiet trip. No tip, door slam, one star.
LoL. Totally worth it.
I should have offered half off for a trip to the airport.
Ah, suspected white supremacist. I would’ve been offended as well
 

Uber's Guber

Well-Known Member
if you want to avoid problems and if this is your sole source of income, stop with the jokes.
It's generally good advice, but with some pax who are in the mood and having fun it's okay to add to the joking around, but always make the joke about yourself and never about the pax, and you'll come out ahead.
For example:
"I'm so poor doing this job as an Uber driver, I have to go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers!"
 

Hans GrUber

Well-Known Member
It's generally good advice, but with some pax who are in the mood and having fun it's okay to add to the joking around, but always make the joke about yourself and never about the pax, and you'll come out ahead.
For example:
"I'm so poor doing this job as an Uber driver, I have to go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers!"
I hate that joke so much I literally want to punch you. Hahaha
 

Hans GrUber

Well-Known Member
My favorite jokes are super inappropriate but they land so hard.

1) "(Ladies/Guys/Whoever I'm driving), please (stop)! It's impossible to drive with this erection!" I say this if someone is telling a sexy or disgusting story or flirting with me and it has NEVER failed as a joke.

2) "(customer @@@@@ing about a group of people, like women or bad drivers or something)"

"(After joining in on @@@@@ing about said group) Man, talking about people we hate is fun. Let's go after another... the blacks. Am I right????"

Risky joke and I have gotten a really great laugh every time I tell it, and I immediately follow with "I'm obviously just kidding. Sorry. Shouldn't have said that.." but my jokes I get the hardest laugh from are always the most inappropriate. It sucks bc there's nothing sweeter to my ears than someone else laughing at a joke I told, but they are both just ticking time bombs bc, you know, 2018.

PS. I just realized that these jokes might somehow result in a ban, so mods, can you guys just give me a warning as this is not racism or sexism?
 

Uber's Guber

Well-Known Member
One of the most soul crushing but important lessons of this job has been to stop with the jokes. Putting it simply, if you want to avoid problems and if this is your sole source of income, stop with the jokes.
It's generally good advice, but with some pax who are in the mood and having fun it's okay to add to the joking around, but always make the joke about yourself and never about the pax, and you'll come out ahead. For example: "I'm so poor doing this job as an Uber driver, I have to go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers!"
I hate that joke so much I literally want to punch you.
Upon further analysis, it has been determined that it is not your manner of joking that annoys your riders....it's your violent tendencies…..
:cool:
 

Mista T

Well-Known Member
Author
(Motorcycle cuts in front of a car at high speed) "Did you see that? Oh well, I guess the world needs organ donors too."

(Sign says Slow Children) "I think it's rude to put those signs up. I mean if a kid is seriously overweight that's bad enough, but to tell everyone who drives by that there's a fat kid waddling around somewhere? That's just mean of the city, to put up those signs."
 

Uber's Guber

Well-Known Member
(Sign says Slow Children) "I think it's rude to put those signs up. I mean if a kid is seriously overweight that's bad enough, but to tell everyone who drives by that there's a fat kid waddling around somewhere? That's just mean of the city, to put up those signs."
Or if you have a liberal in your vehicle:
"Did you see that?!? A deer crossing sign! Now what kind of idiot would be stupid enough to authorize deer crossing in a 65 mph speed zone?!?
 

Gilby

Well-Known Member
allow the homeless to urinate and defecate in public without police interference
Perfectly acceptable in several countries I have visited. But not in Minnesota or Wisconsin.

Among the world's shortest books is Two Hundred Years of American "Progressive" Humor.
Right up there next to the "Irish Book of Etiquette" and "Italian War Heroes."
 

freddieman

Well-Known Member
so pick up pax from airport drop her off in the city and the road was busy so barely anywhere to stop without blocking the road and causing traffic. As we roll up on the drop off point, there's a homeless guy tweaked out of his mind and taking a shit on the sidewalk. I told her welcome to the city and enjoy your stay. Make sure to hold your nose. I think she took it the wrong way and slammed the door.
I think she was more pissed that u dropped her off in front of the homeless guy taking shit
 

Fuzzyelvis

Well-Known Member
You offended a snowflake. God forbid. That's why I try to avoid jokes. Snowflakes have no sense of humor.


Coming to Greensboro soon. The Homeless Activism Council, or whatever their advocacy group calls themselves, is pushing the city council (6 dems and a socialist) to allow the homeless to urinate and defecate in public without police interference.
Do you have to be homeless to do it? How do you prove you're homeless if not?

That would be a handy law in my town late at night, especially for women. Not a lot of bathroom options at 3am.
 

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