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Got a 1 star for trying to be funny?

Discussion in 'Stories' started by M. Night Shyamalan, Jul 2, 2018.

  1. One of the most soul crushing but important lessons of this job has been to stop with the jokes. My whole life I've tried to fill the role of the funny guy. It's been a double-edged sword, a polarizer. I've kind of just stopped, being much more professional bc I've had some rides that have gone HORRIBLY after a joke bombed. I also don't get invited out like I used to, which is a bummer but I've really adopted the clock in-clock out mentality.

    Putting it simply, if you want to avoid problems and if this is your sole source of income, stop with the jokes.
     
    MoreTips, tohunt4me and Uber's Guber like this.
  2. Kodyhead

    Kodyhead

    Location:
    South Floreduh
    Driving:
    UberSUV
    If you downrate a driver it doesnt show up for a week fyi so if your rating went down it's probably a ride from at least a week ago
     
  3. You shoulda told her the one about the duck, the midget, and the female gorilla.
     
    tohunt4me likes this.
  4. Eber88

    Eber88

    Location:
    Cali
    Ah, suspected white supremacist. I would’ve been offended as well
     
  5. Uber's Guber

    Uber's Guber

    Location:
    United States
    Driving:
    UberX
    It's generally good advice, but with some pax who are in the mood and having fun it's okay to add to the joking around, but always make the joke about yourself and never about the pax, and you'll come out ahead.
    For example:
    "I'm so poor doing this job as an Uber driver, I have to go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers!"
     
    tohunt4me and Homie G like this.
  6. I hate that joke so much I literally want to punch you. Hahaha
     
    tohunt4me, NorCalPhil and Mista T like this.
  7. 404NofFound404NofFound your username reminded me of one of the best 404 jokes I've seen!

    temp.jpg
     
  8. My favorite jokes are super inappropriate but they land so hard.

    1) "(Ladies/Guys/Whoever I'm driving), please (stop)! It's impossible to drive with this erection!" I say this if someone is telling a sexy or disgusting story or flirting with me and it has NEVER failed as a joke.

    2) "(customer *****ing about a group of people, like women or bad drivers or something)"

    "(After joining in on *****ing about said group) Man, talking about people we hate is fun. Let's go after another... the blacks. Am I right????"

    Risky joke and I have gotten a really great laugh every time I tell it, and I immediately follow with "I'm obviously just kidding. Sorry. Shouldn't have said that.." but my jokes I get the hardest laugh from are always the most inappropriate. It sucks bc there's nothing sweeter to my ears than someone else laughing at a joke I told, but they are both just ticking time bombs bc, you know, 2018.

    PS. I just realized that these jokes might somehow result in a ban, so mods, can you guys just give me a warning as this is not racism or sexism?
     
  9. "I'm going to have to ask you to pay up front"

    "Is it because i'm black?"

    "No it's because kicking you out before i take you anywhere is easier than calling the cops on you or running you over when you take off without paying."

    "is that a joke?"

    "Yeah, I actually have to back over you because of the dash cam"
     
  10. Uber's Guber

    Uber's Guber

    Location:
    United States
    Driving:
    UberX
    Upon further analysis, it has been determined that it is not your manner of joking that annoys your riders....it's your violent tendencies…..
    :cool:
     
    Hans GrUber and tohunt4me like this.
  11. (Motorcycle cuts in front of a car at high speed) "Did you see that? Oh well, I guess the world needs organ donors too."

    (Sign says Slow Children) "I think it's rude to put those signs up. I mean if a kid is seriously overweight that's bad enough, but to tell everyone who drives by that there's a fat kid waddling around somewhere? That's just mean of the city, to put up those signs."
     
    tohunt4me and Uber's Guber like this.
  12. Uber's Guber

    Uber's Guber

    Location:
    United States
    Driving:
    UberX
    Or if you have a liberal in your vehicle:
    "Did you see that?!? A deer crossing sign! Now what kind of idiot would be stupid enough to authorize deer crossing in a 65 mph speed zone?!?
     
    tohunt4me and Mista T like this.
  13. Didnt Succeed did you ?
     
  14. Gilby

    Gilby

    Location:
    Wausau, WI
    Driving:
    UberX
    Perfectly acceptable in several countries I have visited. But not in Minnesota or Wisconsin.

    Right up there next to the "Irish Book of Etiquette" and "Italian War Heroes."
     
    Uber's Guber and tohunt4me like this.
  15. freddieman

    freddieman

    Location:
    seattle
    I think she was more pissed that u dropped her off in front of the homeless guy taking ****
     
    tohunt4me likes this.
  16. Uber's Guber

    Uber's Guber

    Location:
    United States
    Driving:
    UberX
    Minnesota & Wisconsin are countries??? o_O
     
  17. Fuzzyelvis

    Fuzzyelvis

    Location:
    houston
    Driving:
    UberX
    Do you have to be homeless to do it? How do you prove you're homeless if not?

    That would be a handy law in my town late at night, especially for women. Not a lot of bathroom options at 3am.
     

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