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Driver stories: Part Three

Driver stories: Part Three

---> Is it story time again?


And the winner is…
Pulled up to an event that was getting out. Clearly a heavy drinking event. About 30 people standing outside, chatting, milling about, waiting for rides.

As I pull up, about a half dozen people simultaneously look at their phones (is this my driver?). They all go back to chatting away, all except one guy. This guy is maybe 300 pounds and shirtless. He pumps his hands in the air and shouts my name as he jumps up and down, like he just scored a touchdown! We have a winner!!

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He says “YESSSSSSS!!! Hold on a minute, buddy, let me put some clothes on before I get in your car!”

Really friendly guy, great ride to his house. But still, I gotta ask: How come I never get the topless women?


Fraud attempt
Accept an Uber ping and head towards the pax. Drive for almost 2 minutes towards the pickup. Phone call comes in from the pax.

Hello?

(A voice that sounds like Uber “support” speaks in broken English) “Hello sir, I am calling for __. Is this __?”
Yes.

“Sir, this is ____ with Uber calling you. I am calling because there is an issue with your account and we need to verify your account information.”

[Seriously?? I have read about drivers getting hit with fraud; how the thieves order a ride then call up and pretend to be Uber, and ask for your information so they can access your account, change your password and bank info, and drain your week’s pay! Did I just get one of the calls? Wow, no way!! I want my cancel fee from these jerks. Has it been 2 minutes yet? If they cancel after 2 minutes, I get paid. I need to play these a-holes out.]

[[ ** If you are a driver and have no idea what I’m talking about, you better get educated pretty quick! Don’t get taken by con artists! ** ]]


Okay, I’m here.

“Sir, we need you to pull over and stop your vehicle.”

I can’t do that, I’m driving.

“Sir, we need you to pull over to a safe place and stop your vehicle.”

Okay, I am almost at the house, hold on. Wait, I have to get on the freeway real quick.

“Sir, we need you to pull over right away and put your car in park.”

Just this neeeeeeeext eeeeeeeexiiiiiiiiiiiit …. Okaaaaaay, just one more block. Hold on …… Okay, I’m here at the house. (arrive at house, timer starts)

“Sir, is your vehicle stopped?”

Yes. I’m here at the house, all ready to give a ride.

“Sir, there is an issue with your account …”

Okay, I have stopped my vehicle. Hold on, let me put it in park, hold on, okay, there we are. Okay, what’s going on, I’m at the house, is someone coming out?

“Sir, there is an issue with your account, we need to verify (blah blah blah) What is your phone number?”

I’m not giving you my phone number.

“Sir, we need your phone number to verify your account.”

I’m not giving you my phone number. I’m just going to pick up my passenger and give a ride.

[2 minutes has definitely passed, now I just need to kill 5 minutes before I can cancel and get paid]

“Sir, this is what we are calling about. Without verification, we cannot allow you to give this ride, you need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to do that.

“You need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to cancel the ride.

“You HAVE to cancel the ride.”

No I don’t.

“Yes, sir, you HAVE to.”

Well, I’m not going to. YOU can cancel the ride if you want.

“Then your account will be deactivated. You need to go to the Uber Hub and ..”

I’m not going to the Hub. It’s Sunday night, they aren’t open. I’m trying to make money. If you want to cancel the ride, go ahead, I’m getting paid one way or another.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 business days. You will have to go to the Hub to get your account verified and reactivated.”

Okay.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 days.”

What’s my last name?

“Sir, your account …”

Do you know my last name?

“Sir…”

How are you going to deactivate me if you don’t even know my phone number?

“Sir, we are going to deactivate your account.”

Okay. Go ahead and deactivate me. Thanks for calling! (click)


At this point the timer is 1:15 in. I sat there for another 1:20 before they cancelled the ride and I got my pay. And yes, I emailed Uber about the fraud attempt.


Check the map
I picked up this out-of-town couple from a hotel on a 2x surge (ah, the good old days). They were going to a restaurant. I confirmed where they were headed. I asked if they wanted to go anywhere else; no, just the restaurant please. So I whipped a U-ey and drove two blocks.

Wife looks at husband and says “What the heck! We just paid $14 to go two blocks!! Didn’t you look at the map?” Husband replies “No, didn’t you?”

The ride was so short I had to drive another 5 blocks before I could end it and collect my $7.50, lol.


Impossible Customer Service
Picked up a Philippino woman in town for a wedding. She told me that back home she was an Uber CSR in 2015 for a few months; she took customer calls from Australian pax. Most of the calls were related to money issues; pax was charged more than the estimate, that sort of thing. This was before the upfront pricing was implemented.

301737


The calls that surprised her the most were the ones where people complained that the driver did not offer them water, gum, or candy. She was amazed at how many people called in to complain about that. The strangest she remembers was a person who complained that their driver did not talk enough. How is Uber supposed to fix that? I wonder if that pax got a refund…


Deadly ride
Beautiful sunny day. Taking a woman along a one way street, 2 lanes. I’m in the right lane going about 15-20 mph. Coming towards us, in the left lane, is a pickup truck (going the wrong way, obviously) doing about 15-20 mph.

I say to my passenger “Would you look at this idiot?”

I roll down my window, wave my arm, flash my lights, trying to get their attention. As we pass our eyes lock, and they look at me with the ‘what’s YOUR problem’ look on their face.

There are two vehicles behind me, and both of them are waving, flashing lights, and honking. Eventually, the pickup driver figures it out and turns off the one way street.

I say to my pax, “Can you believe that?”

She slowly mumbles “I almost died.”

I laugh out loud and say “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, he was in the other lane, and we were both going pretty slow, and it’s a nice sunny day out. Clear visibility, saw them coming from 5 blocks away.”

She says “Yeah … but you have an airbag.”

I turn around to see if she is joking, and all the blood has drained out of her face. She is ghostly pale, scared to death.

Seriously?? Great, I’ll probably get a 1 star and Safety and Professionalism complaints tomorrow. And there goes any chance of a tip.


Why male drivers earn more
Bar closing time and I’m out in the middle of nowhere. Got a pickup 3 miles away. Was hoping it would take me downtown (to where the action is). Young couple gets in and the destination is 30 minutes in the opposite direction, even further into the middle of absolutely nowhere. Damn, so much for the rest of my night.

The couple chats to each other the entire time, flirty but no kissing or touching. At the destination they both get out of the car. They wave and say goodbye to each other and the man gets in the front seat and says Okay now take me back.

I said “Dude, that was harsh! You didn’t even get a goodbye kiss!”

He says “Oh, that wasn’t my girlfriend, that was my girlfriend’s friend. She brought a bottle over to have a few drinks with me, and wanted to spend the night, but I wasn’t having any of that. My girlfriend would kill me!”

Apparently she told him she was too drunk to drive home, and when he said to take an Uber she said No way, I don’t want to be killed or raped by some crazy psycho! So they went back and forth about it for a while, then decided to call a ride for her. If the driver was female she would go by herself. If the driver was male, he would go with her, then come back alone in the Uber. Since it was bar closing time, I was the ONLY driver for miles around.

He says “Man, this ride is costing me double because you have testicles.”


Rude college kid
Four college kids going to a bar. 3 girls, 1 boy. General conversation taking place. One of the girls says “Here’s what I think, blah blah blah.”

Another girl says “I think, blah blah blah.”

I chimed in, “I think, blah blah blah, but what do I know, I’m just the driver.”

The boy says “That’s right, you’re just here to drive the car, bish.”

Pulled over to the curb. “Hey kid, what do you call someone who disrespects me in my own car? Give up??? A pedestrian. BYE!!”

My first time ever kicking people out of my car, it felt great.


Too stoned
2:15pm on a Friday, pick up a woman in her low 30’s from a mall, headed to a grocery store.

Me: How’s your day?
Her: Good.
Me: Do you take a lot of Lyft and Uber?
Her: I’ll be honest, I’m stoned as shyt right now. I can’t, even, uh….

LMAO. Maybe a grocery store isn’t the best place for me to drop you off.


Who is worse
Amazingly drunk couple stumbling to the car, doing the sideways walking thing while holding each other up for mutual support. I was still green at the driving adventure, should have driven away right there but didn’t know any better.

301734


They get in, and they are arguing. Playful, but serious. It went something like this:

“You’re such a _.”
“Well you’re just a _.”
“Well, if you wouldn’t screw everything with two legs!”
“Yeah, well you HIT me!”
“You hit me too, so don’t be all churchy on me.”
“You hit me harder. That’s why you got four years in jail and I only got two.”

My eyes popped open with surprise at what I’m hearing! The guy turns to me and says “Can you tell we love each other?”

I said “Is this a good time to let you guys know I have a dash cam?” (note: there are obvious signs on display throughout the vehicle)

He says “You have a dash cam? SHOW HIM A BOOB!!” and reaches over and yanks a boob out of her shirt.

ROFLMAO! Was really torn on how to rate that ride…

(Click here to see the video)


Best Driver Ever
Picked up near the city core, a couple women that live 2 hours outside of town, they get in the city about once every 2-4 months. Verified the name. One of them immediately asks “Didn’t you used to drive a different color (vehicle)?”

I look at them but I didn’t recognize either one. Surprised, I responded: “I did. But I sold that car over a year ago.”

They talk to each other quietly, pointing at me. This is the guy. Seriously? Him? Yes! No way! OMG!

Oh shit. Now I’m freaking out, wondering what I did that was SO BAD that they remembered me from almost 2 years ago!

“Do you remember us?” they ask.

“No, sorry ladies, I’ve given a lot of rides.”

They said “You drove us before. You don’t remember us? You’re the BEST. DRIVER. EVER!!!”

Awww…

They continued: “I can’t believe you don’t remember us! We were in town for the game. You were taking us through downtown, and this guy ran a red light. Some kind of red sport car, I think it was a Camaro. He was going like 40 or 45 miles an hour. You slammed on the brakes, and the car kind of skidded sideways a little. You were really pissed! But if you hadn’t stopped, he would have killed us! You SAVED our LIVES! Whenever anyone back home asks us about Lyft or Uber, we tell them about YOU!! You’re famous!”

They remembered me not only because the experience was traumatic (for them) but because one of them drives the same kind of vehicle.


Exotic animal
Heading to pickup, the business sign reads “WILD AND EXOTIC animals”. Naturally, I saw the Wild and Exotic part and assumed I was getting either a dancer or a bunch of drunks.

Guy gets in with a Catacal, which is an oversized cat that looks like a mini-Lynx. Really long ears and really long teeth. It was so cool!

301733


Actual pic! This particular specimen is only 4 months old. They have been known to jump 8 feet in the air to catch birds. This ride made my day!


Waiting for the light to change
Summertime, 3:30am, driving along a one way street (3 lanes). I’m in the middle lane and stop for the red light. Across the intersection, one lane to the left, is a vehicle that is facing me, also stopped.

It’s a suburban, with a 20-something guy at the wheel. His arm is hanging out the window holding a cigarette; his eyes glazed over; looking like Joe Cool. He is sitting there waiting for the light to change also.

My light turned green. I pulled up next to him and said “Hey, you’re waiting for the light to change, but it’s not gonna, because there is no light. The reason there’s no light is because you’re going the wrong way on a one way street. Have a good night.” And I pulled away slowly, watching him in my mirror.

As I drove away I could see the wheels turning in his head. He pulled slowly forward, looking around and realizing that all the cars are parked the opposite way, and all the street signs are backwards. From his back seat I hear a panicked passenger shouting “WTF man! This is a one way?!? What the ____ are you doing! WTF!!”


Worst night ever
(This did not happen to me, it happened to a driver friend of mine)

My buddy picks up a young drunk woman on Lyft. They get on the freeway and the ride cancels. She claims she didn’t cancel it, as she turns her phone away so he can’t see.

He gets off the freeway and pulls into a parking lot. She asks what’s going on; he says he can’t take her unless he’s giving her a ride. She gets really mad; they exchange a few more words, and she storms out of his car.

As she is walking away, he sees that her backside is all wet. He turns and looks at the seat she was sitting in, and there is a puddle of pee! He gets out of the car and she runs away.

The camera on his phone is broken, so he can’t take pictures. He frantically cleans it up as fast as he can. Fortunately, he has leather seats.

He calls it in to Lyft, but without pictures they won’t give him anything. Furthermore, since the ride was cancelled within a certain distance, he won’t even get a minimum fare out of it! (Lyft lie #34: “We’ve got your back”)

My friend is unbelievably angry. He calls me, and I calm him down. I remind him that it was bound to happen sometime, that the night is still young and there is a lot of money to be made. I remind him that with leather seats and his quick reaction to it, there wasn’t really any damage other than not getting paid. I advise him to go have a cup of coffee and let his car air out for 30 minutes, then get back at it. He takes my advice and sits down for a burger somewhere to cool off.

3 hours later, he calls me again, even MORE pissed off than before. What now? How could it get any worse?

He was just rear ended by a drunk driver, and one of his pax says her neck hurts.


Saved the wedding
6 people in a wedding party were getting pictures taken down by the river. They ordered 2 Ubers to take them to the wedding location. The 1st driver drove around in circles for 10 minutes then eventually cancelled on them, I was the 2nd driver.

They were panicked. They tried ordering another Uber, but the ‘closest’ was 10 minutes away, and we have to get to the wedding! Like, right now! Can you take us all?

“I can only fit four in my car.”

Dude, puh-leeze! I’ll give you extra! Here’s cash. It’s just right over the river, at the ___ hotel.

Hmmmm. An hour’s pay to go 2 miles away. Okay, okay, let’s go. Get in. Mista T to the rescue!

Bride in the front, big ass white wedding dress all poofed out across the entire front of my car. Can’t even see my middle console any more. Guy behind me in a tux, two women sitting next to him. One woman laying across them. Another woman laying on top of her. All the women (except the bride) in very bright purple-red bridesmaids dresses, each with large bouquets of flowers. Driving through rush hour downtown, pedestrians pointing and laughing their butts off at the wedding clown car.

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* If anyone from Uber or Lyft corporate is reading this, I made it all up. I would never intentionally break the law while driving for your exceptionally fine companies. Click here for the real story.
 
Mr T

Comments

MoneyMitch

Active Member
Driver stories: Part Three

---> Is it story time again?


And the winner is…
Pulled up to an event that was getting out. Clearly a heavy drinking event. About 30 people standing outside, chatting, milling about, waiting for rides.

As I pull up, about a half dozen people simultaneously look at their phones (is this my driver?). They all go back to chatting away, all except one guy. This guy is maybe 300 pounds and shirtless. He pumps his hands in the air and shouts my name as he jumps up and down, like he just scored a touchdown! We have a winner!!

View attachment 301739

He says “YESSSSSSS!!! Hold on a minute, buddy, let me put some clothes on before I get in your car!”

Really friendly guy, great ride to his house. But still, I gotta ask: How come I never get the topless women?


Fraud attempt
Accept an Uber ping and head towards the pax. Drive for almost 2 minutes towards the pickup. Phone call comes in from the pax.

Hello?

(A voice that sounds like Uber “support” speaks in broken English) “Hello sir, I am calling for __. Is this __?”
Yes.

“Sir, this is ____ with Uber calling you. I am calling because there is an issue with your account and we need to verify your account information.”

[Seriously?? I have read about drivers getting hit with fraud; how the thieves order a ride then call up and pretend to be Uber, and ask for your information so they can access your account, change your password and bank info, and drain your week’s pay! Did I just get one of the calls? Wow, no way!! I want my cancel fee from these jerks. Has it been 2 minutes yet? If they cancel after 2 minutes, I get paid. I need to play these a-holes out.]

[[ ** If you are a driver and have no idea what I’m talking about, you better get educated pretty quick! Don’t get taken by con artists! ** ]]


Okay, I’m here.

“Sir, we need you to pull over and stop your vehicle.”

I can’t do that, I’m driving.

“Sir, we need you to pull over to a safe place and stop your vehicle.”

Okay, I am almost at the house, hold on. Wait, I have to get on the freeway real quick.

“Sir, we need you to pull over right away and put your car in park.”

Just this neeeeeeeext eeeeeeeexiiiiiiiiiiiit …. Okaaaaaay, just one more block. Hold on …… Okay, I’m here at the house. (arrive at house, timer starts)

“Sir, is your vehicle stopped?”

Yes. I’m here at the house, all ready to give a ride.

“Sir, there is an issue with your account …”

Okay, I have stopped my vehicle. Hold on, let me put it in park, hold on, okay, there we are. Okay, what’s going on, I’m at the house, is someone coming out?

“Sir, there is an issue with your account, we need to verify (blah blah blah) What is your phone number?”

I’m not giving you my phone number.

“Sir, we need your phone number to verify your account.”

I’m not giving you my phone number. I’m just going to pick up my passenger and give a ride.

[2 minutes has definitely passed, now I just need to kill 5 minutes before I can cancel and get paid]

“Sir, this is what we are calling about. Without verification, we cannot allow you to give this ride, you need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to do that.

“You need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to cancel the ride.

“You HAVE to cancel the ride.”

No I don’t.

“Yes, sir, you HAVE to.”

Well, I’m not going to. YOU can cancel the ride if you want.

“Then your account will be deactivated. You need to go to the Uber Hub and ..”

I’m not going to the Hub. It’s Sunday night, they aren’t open. I’m trying to make money. If you want to cancel the ride, go ahead, I’m getting paid one way or another.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 business days. You will have to go to the Hub to get your account verified and reactivated.”

Okay.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 days.”

What’s my last name?

“Sir, your account …”

Do you know my last name?

“Sir…”

How are you going to deactivate me if you don’t even know my phone number?

“Sir, we are going to deactivate your account.”

Okay. Go ahead and deactivate me. Thanks for calling! (click)


At this point the timer is 1:15 in. I sat there for another 1:20 before they cancelled the ride and I got my pay. And yes, I emailed Uber about the fraud attempt.


Check the map
I picked up this out-of-town couple from a hotel on a 2x surge (ah, the good old days). They were going to a restaurant. I confirmed where they were headed. I asked if they wanted to go anywhere else; no, just the restaurant please. So I whipped a U-ey and drove two blocks.

Wife looks at husband and says “What the heck! We just paid $14 to go two blocks!! Didn’t you look at the map?” Husband replies “No, didn’t you?”

The ride was so short I had to drive another 5 blocks before I could end it and collect my $7.50, lol.


Impossible Customer Service
Picked up a Philippino woman in town for a wedding. She told me that back home she was an Uber CSR in 2015 for a few months; she took customer calls from Australian pax. Most of the calls were related to money issues; pax was charged more than the estimate, that sort of thing. This was before the upfront pricing was implemented.

View attachment 301737

The calls that surprised her the most were the ones where people complained that the driver did not offer them water, gum, or candy. She was amazed at how many people called in to complain about that. The strangest she remembers was a person who complained that their driver did not talk enough. How is Uber supposed to fix that? I wonder if that pax got a refund…


Deadly ride
Beautiful sunny day. Taking a woman along a one way street, 2 lanes. I’m in the right lane going about 15-20 mph. Coming towards us, in the left lane, is a pickup truck (going the wrong way, obviously) doing about 15-20 mph.

I say to my passenger “Would you look at this idiot?”

I roll down my window, wave my arm, flash my lights, trying to get their attention. As we pass our eyes lock, and they look at me with the ‘what’s YOUR problem’ look on their face.

There are two vehicles behind me, and both of them are waving, flashing lights, and honking. Eventually, the pickup driver figures it out and turns off the one way street.

I say to my pax, “Can you believe that?”

She slowly mumbles “I almost died.”

I laugh out loud and say “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, he was in the other lane, and we were both going pretty slow, and it’s a nice sunny day out. Clear visibility, saw them coming from 5 blocks away.”

She says “Yeah … but you have an airbag.”

I turn around to see if she is joking, and all the blood has drained out of her face. She is ghostly pale, scared to death.

Seriously?? Great, I’ll probably get a 1 star and Safety and Professionalism complaints tomorrow. And there goes any chance of a tip.


Why male drivers earn more
Bar closing time and I’m out in the middle of nowhere. Got a pickup 3 miles away. Was hoping it would take me downtown (to where the action is). Young couple gets in and the destination is 30 minutes in the opposite direction, even further into the middle of absolutely nowhere. Damn, so much for the rest of my night.

The couple chats to each other the entire time, flirty but no kissing or touching. At the destination they both get out of the car. They wave and say goodbye to each other and the man gets in the front seat and says Okay now take me back.

I said “Dude, that was harsh! You didn’t even get a goodbye kiss!”

He says “Oh, that wasn’t my girlfriend, that was my girlfriend’s friend. She brought a bottle over to have a few drinks with me, and wanted to spend the night, but I wasn’t having any of that. My girlfriend would kill me!”

Apparently she told him she was too drunk to drive home, and when he said to take an Uber she said No way, I don’t want to be killed or raped by some crazy psycho! So they went back and forth about it for a while, then decided to call a ride for her. If the driver was female she would go by herself. If the driver was male, he would go with her, then come back alone in the Uber. Since it was bar closing time, I was the ONLY driver for miles around.

He says “Man, this ride is costing me double because you have testicles.”


Rude college kid
Four college kids going to a bar. 3 girls, 1 boy. General conversation taking place. One of the girls says “Here’s what I think, blah blah blah.”

Another girl says “I think, blah blah blah.”

I chimed in, “I think, blah blah blah, but what do I know, I’m just the driver.”

The boy says “That’s right, you’re just here to drive the car, bish.”

Pulled over to the curb. “Hey kid, what do you call someone who disrespects me in my own car? Give up??? A pedestrian. BYE!!”

My first time ever kicking people out of my car, it felt great.


Too stoned
2:15pm on a Friday, pick up a woman in her low 30’s from a mall, headed to a grocery store.

Me: How’s your day?
Her: Good.
Me: Do you take a lot of Lyft and Uber?
Her: I’ll be honest, I’m stoned as shyt right now. I can’t, even, uh….

LMAO. Maybe a grocery store isn’t the best place for me to drop you off.


Who is worse
Amazingly drunk couple stumbling to the car, doing the sideways walking thing while holding each other up for mutual support. I was still green at the driving adventure, should have driven away right there but didn’t know any better.

View attachment 301734

They get in, and they are arguing. Playful, but serious. It went something like this:

“You’re such a _.”
“Well you’re just a _.”
“Well, if you wouldn’t screw everything with two legs!”
“Yeah, well you HIT me!”
“You hit me too, so don’t be all churchy on me.”
“You hit me harder. That’s why you got four years in jail and I only got two.”

My eyes popped open with surprise at what I’m hearing! The guy turns to me and says “Can you tell we love each other?”

I said “Is this a good time to let you guys know I have a dash cam?” (note: there are obvious signs on display throughout the vehicle)

He says “You have a dash cam? SHOW HIM A BOOB!!” and reaches over and yanks a boob out of her shirt.

ROFLMAO! Was really torn on how to rate that ride…

(Click here to see the video)


Best Driver Ever
Picked up near the city core, a couple women that live 2 hours outside of town, they get in the city about once every 2-4 months. Verified the name. One of them immediately asks “Didn’t you used to drive a different color (vehicle)?”

I look at them but I didn’t recognize either one. Surprised, I responded: “I did. But I sold that car over a year ago.”

They talk to each other quietly, pointing at me. This is the guy. Seriously? Him? Yes! No way! OMG!

Oh shit. Now I’m freaking out, wondering what I did that was SO BAD that they remembered me from almost 2 years ago!

“Do you remember us?” they ask.

“No, sorry ladies, I’ve given a lot of rides.”

They said “You drove us before. You don’t remember us? You’re the BEST. DRIVER. EVER!!!”

Awww…

They continued: “I can’t believe you don’t remember us! We were in town for the game. You were taking us through downtown, and this guy ran a red light. Some kind of red sport car, I think it was a Camaro. He was going like 40 or 45 miles an hour. You slammed on the brakes, and the car kind of skidded sideways a little. You were really pissed! But if you hadn’t stopped, he would have killed us! You SAVED our LIVES! Whenever anyone back home asks us about Lyft or Uber, we tell them about YOU!! You’re famous!”

They remembered me not only because the experience was traumatic (for them) but because one of them drives the same kind of vehicle.


Exotic animal
Heading to pickup, the business sign reads “WILD AND EXOTIC animals”. Naturally, I saw the Wild and Exotic part and assumed I was getting either a dancer or a bunch of drunks.

Guy gets in with a Catacal, which is an oversized cat that looks like a mini-Lynx. Really long ears and really long teeth. It was so cool!

View attachment 301733

Actual pic! This particular specimen is only 4 months old. They have been known to jump 8 feet in the air to catch birds. This ride made my day!


Waiting for the light to change
Summertime, 3:30am, driving along a one way street (3 lanes). I’m in the middle lane and stop for the red light. Across the intersection, one lane to the left, is a vehicle that is facing me, also stopped.

It’s a suburban, with a 20-something guy at the wheel. His arm is hanging out the window holding a cigarette; his eyes glazed over; looking like Joe Cool. He is sitting there waiting for the light to change also.

My light turned green. I pulled up next to him and said “Hey, you’re waiting for the light to change, but it’s not gonna, because there is no light. The reason there’s no light is because you’re going the wrong way on a one way street. Have a good night.” And I pulled away slowly, watching him in my mirror.

As I drove away I could see the wheels turning in his head. He pulled slowly forward, looking around and realizing that all the cars are parked the opposite way, and all the street signs are backwards. From his back seat I hear a panicked passenger shouting “WTF man! This is a one way?!? What the ____ are you doing! WTF!!”


Worst night ever
(This did not happen to me, it happened to a driver friend of mine)

My buddy picks up a young drunk woman on Lyft. They get on the freeway and the ride cancels. She claims she didn’t cancel it, as she turns her phone away so he can’t see.

He gets off the freeway and pulls into a parking lot. She asks what’s going on; he says he can’t take her unless he’s giving her a ride. She gets really mad; they exchange a few more words, and she storms out of his car.

As she is walking away, he sees that her backside is all wet. He turns and looks at the seat she was sitting in, and there is a puddle of pee! He gets out of the car and she runs away.

The camera on his phone is broken, so he can’t take pictures. He frantically cleans it up as fast as he can. Fortunately, he has leather seats.

He calls it in to Lyft, but without pictures they won’t give him anything. Furthermore, since the ride was cancelled within a certain distance, he won’t even get a minimum fare out of it! (Lyft lie #34: “We’ve got your back”)

My friend is unbelievably angry. He calls me, and I calm him down. I remind him that it was bound to happen sometime, that the night is still young and there is a lot of money to be made. I remind him that with leather seats and his quick reaction to it, there wasn’t really any damage other than not getting paid. I advise him to go have a cup of coffee and let his car air out for 30 minutes, then get back at it. He takes my advice and sits down for a burger somewhere to cool off.

3 hours later, he calls me again, even MORE pissed off than before. What now? How could it get any worse?

He was just rear ended by a drunk driver, and one of his pax says her neck hurts.


Saved the wedding
6 people in a wedding party were getting pictures taken down by the river. They ordered 2 Ubers to take them to the wedding location. The 1st driver drove around in circles for 10 minutes then eventually cancelled on them, I was the 2nd driver.

They were panicked. They tried ordering another Uber, but the ‘closest’ was 10 minutes away, and we have to get to the wedding! Like, right now! Can you take us all?

“I can only fit four in my car.”

Dude, puh-leeze! I’ll give you extra! Here’s cash. It’s just right over the river, at the ___ hotel.

Hmmmm. An hour’s pay to go 2 miles away. Okay, okay, let’s go. Get in. Mista T to the rescue!

Bride in the front, big ass white wedding dress all poofed out across the entire front of my car. Can’t even see my middle console any more. Guy behind me in a tux, two women sitting next to him. One woman laying across them. Another woman laying on top of her. All the women (except the bride) in very bright purple-red bridesmaids dresses, each with large bouquets of flowers. Driving through rush hour downtown, pedestrians pointing and laughing their butts off at the wedding clown car.

View attachment 301732

* If anyone from Uber or Lyft corporate is reading this, I made it all up. I would never intentionally break the law while driving for your exceptionally fine companies. Click here for the real story.
Thanks so much for the stories. It seems like you put a lot of effort into typing all of this (and yes I clicked all of your small “click here” links lol). The story about your friend who got rear ended was insane. How did everything turn out for him?
 

mrpjfresh

Well-Known Member
Mista T, once again, with the short and entertaining stories. You should write a book for people to read when they are on the can. Oh who am I kidding... some "New Member" @@@@@@face from Buzzfeed or something will just steal these great stories and use them to fill an 11th hour article... sans credit of course. We appreciate them though! Here's a quick extra one that happened to me recently.

Latenight Casanova
Got a call from an apartment complex after midnight for a female's name. As soon as I arrive, I get a in-app message that I'll be picking up her friend. No name just "he's a handsome young black guy". Okay...

Sure enough, said handsome guy comes strolling down the stairs a few minutes later. I must admit she wasn't lying. Guy is very well dressed and looks like very much like Trey Songz. He gets in, we exchange a few pleasantries and after verifying the address, off we go. He puts on headphones and it is a rather easy and uneventful ride. That is, until we arrive at the destination.

When we get there, another apartment complex, he tells me where to go and stop. " Thanks for the ride. Five stars to keep this on the low-low!" Um, okay then. As he gets out, I see a second floor balcony's doors open and out steps this absolutely gorgeous co-ed in a small robe, totally open, exposing her bra and panties. She throws our casanova down a set of keys and disappears back into the darkness of her apartment.

I must admit, I left with fair amount of jealousy but also wondering if there was a third girl in a third apartment complex somewhere around town.
 

Fuzzyelvis

Well-Known Member
Mista T, once again, with the short and entertaining stories. You should write a book for people to read when they are on the can. Oh who am I kidding... some "New Member" @@@@@@face from Buzzfeed or something will just steal these great stories and use them to fill an 11th hour article... sans credit of course. We appreciate them though! Here's a quick extra one that happened to me recently.

Latenight Casanova
Got a call from an apartment complex after midnight for a female's name. As soon as I arrive, I get a in-app message that I'll be picking up her friend. No name just "he's a handsome young black guy". Okay...

Sure enough, said handsome guy comes strolling down the stairs a few minutes later. I must admit she wasn't lying. Guy is very well dressed and looks like very much like Trey Songz. He gets in, we exchange a few pleasantries and after verifying the address, off we go. He puts on headphones and it is a rather easy and uneventful ride. That is, until we arrive at the destination.

When we get there, another apartment complex, he tells me where to go and stop. " Thanks for the ride. Five stars to keep this on the low-low!" Um, okay then. As he gets out, I see a second floor balcony's doors open and out steps this absolutely gorgeous co-ed in a small robe, totally open, exposing her bra and panties. She throws our casanova down a set of keys and disappears back into the darkness of her apartment.

I must admit, I left with fair amount of jealousy but also wondering if there was a third girl in a third apartment complex somewhere around town.
But 5 stars to keep it "on the lo lo?"
5 DOLLARS, maybe.
 

aspacepig

Well-Known Member
Driver stories: Part Three

---> Is it story time again?


And the winner is…
Pulled up to an event that was getting out. Clearly a heavy drinking event. About 30 people standing outside, chatting, milling about, waiting for rides.

As I pull up, about a half dozen people simultaneously look at their phones (is this my driver?). They all go back to chatting away, all except one guy. This guy is maybe 300 pounds and shirtless. He pumps his hands in the air and shouts my name as he jumps up and down, like he just scored a touchdown! We have a winner!!

View attachment 301739

He says “YESSSSSSS!!! Hold on a minute, buddy, let me put some clothes on before I get in your car!”

Really friendly guy, great ride to his house. But still, I gotta ask: How come I never get the topless women?


Fraud attempt
Accept an Uber ping and head towards the pax. Drive for almost 2 minutes towards the pickup. Phone call comes in from the pax.

Hello?

(A voice that sounds like Uber “support” speaks in broken English) “Hello sir, I am calling for __. Is this __?”
Yes.

“Sir, this is ____ with Uber calling you. I am calling because there is an issue with your account and we need to verify your account information.”

[Seriously?? I have read about drivers getting hit with fraud; how the thieves order a ride then call up and pretend to be Uber, and ask for your information so they can access your account, change your password and bank info, and drain your week’s pay! Did I just get one of the calls? Wow, no way!! I want my cancel fee from these jerks. Has it been 2 minutes yet? If they cancel after 2 minutes, I get paid. I need to play these a-holes out.]

[[ ** If you are a driver and have no idea what I’m talking about, you better get educated pretty quick! Don’t get taken by con artists! ** ]]


Okay, I’m here.

“Sir, we need you to pull over and stop your vehicle.”

I can’t do that, I’m driving.

“Sir, we need you to pull over to a safe place and stop your vehicle.”

Okay, I am almost at the house, hold on. Wait, I have to get on the freeway real quick.

“Sir, we need you to pull over right away and put your car in park.”

Just this neeeeeeeext eeeeeeeexiiiiiiiiiiiit …. Okaaaaaay, just one more block. Hold on …… Okay, I’m here at the house. (arrive at house, timer starts)

“Sir, is your vehicle stopped?”

Yes. I’m here at the house, all ready to give a ride.

“Sir, there is an issue with your account …”

Okay, I have stopped my vehicle. Hold on, let me put it in park, hold on, okay, there we are. Okay, what’s going on, I’m at the house, is someone coming out?

“Sir, there is an issue with your account, we need to verify (blah blah blah) What is your phone number?”

I’m not giving you my phone number.

“Sir, we need your phone number to verify your account.”

I’m not giving you my phone number. I’m just going to pick up my passenger and give a ride.

[2 minutes has definitely passed, now I just need to kill 5 minutes before I can cancel and get paid]

“Sir, this is what we are calling about. Without verification, we cannot allow you to give this ride, you need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to do that.

“You need to cancel the ride and select Do Not Charge the passenger.”

I’m not going to cancel the ride.

“You HAVE to cancel the ride.”

No I don’t.

“Yes, sir, you HAVE to.”

Well, I’m not going to. YOU can cancel the ride if you want.

“Then your account will be deactivated. You need to go to the Uber Hub and ..”

I’m not going to the Hub. It’s Sunday night, they aren’t open. I’m trying to make money. If you want to cancel the ride, go ahead, I’m getting paid one way or another.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 business days. You will have to go to the Hub to get your account verified and reactivated.”

Okay.

“Sir, your account will be deactivated for 5-7 days.”

What’s my last name?

“Sir, your account …”

Do you know my last name?

“Sir…”

How are you going to deactivate me if you don’t even know my phone number?

“Sir, we are going to deactivate your account.”

Okay. Go ahead and deactivate me. Thanks for calling! (click)


At this point the timer is 1:15 in. I sat there for another 1:20 before they cancelled the ride and I got my pay. And yes, I emailed Uber about the fraud attempt.


Check the map
I picked up this out-of-town couple from a hotel on a 2x surge (ah, the good old days). They were going to a restaurant. I confirmed where they were headed. I asked if they wanted to go anywhere else; no, just the restaurant please. So I whipped a U-ey and drove two blocks.

Wife looks at husband and says “What the heck! We just paid $14 to go two blocks!! Didn’t you look at the map?” Husband replies “No, didn’t you?”

The ride was so short I had to drive another 5 blocks before I could end it and collect my $7.50, lol.


Impossible Customer Service
Picked up a Philippino woman in town for a wedding. She told me that back home she was an Uber CSR in 2015 for a few months; she took customer calls from Australian pax. Most of the calls were related to money issues; pax was charged more than the estimate, that sort of thing. This was before the upfront pricing was implemented.

View attachment 301737

The calls that surprised her the most were the ones where people complained that the driver did not offer them water, gum, or candy. She was amazed at how many people called in to complain about that. The strangest she remembers was a person who complained that their driver did not talk enough. How is Uber supposed to fix that? I wonder if that pax got a refund…


Deadly ride
Beautiful sunny day. Taking a woman along a one way street, 2 lanes. I’m in the right lane going about 15-20 mph. Coming towards us, in the left lane, is a pickup truck (going the wrong way, obviously) doing about 15-20 mph.

I say to my passenger “Would you look at this idiot?”

I roll down my window, wave my arm, flash my lights, trying to get their attention. As we pass our eyes lock, and they look at me with the ‘what’s YOUR problem’ look on their face.

There are two vehicles behind me, and both of them are waving, flashing lights, and honking. Eventually, the pickup driver figures it out and turns off the one way street.

I say to my pax, “Can you believe that?”

She slowly mumbles “I almost died.”

I laugh out loud and say “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, he was in the other lane, and we were both going pretty slow, and it’s a nice sunny day out. Clear visibility, saw them coming from 5 blocks away.”

She says “Yeah … but you have an airbag.”

I turn around to see if she is joking, and all the blood has drained out of her face. She is ghostly pale, scared to death.

Seriously?? Great, I’ll probably get a 1 star and Safety and Professionalism complaints tomorrow. And there goes any chance of a tip.


Why male drivers earn more
Bar closing time and I’m out in the middle of nowhere. Got a pickup 3 miles away. Was hoping it would take me downtown (to where the action is). Young couple gets in and the destination is 30 minutes in the opposite direction, even further into the middle of absolutely nowhere. Damn, so much for the rest of my night.

The couple chats to each other the entire time, flirty but no kissing or touching. At the destination they both get out of the car. They wave and say goodbye to each other and the man gets in the front seat and says Okay now take me back.

I said “Dude, that was harsh! You didn’t even get a goodbye kiss!”

He says “Oh, that wasn’t my girlfriend, that was my girlfriend’s friend. She brought a bottle over to have a few drinks with me, and wanted to spend the night, but I wasn’t having any of that. My girlfriend would kill me!”

Apparently she told him she was too drunk to drive home, and when he said to take an Uber she said No way, I don’t want to be killed or raped by some crazy psycho! So they went back and forth about it for a while, then decided to call a ride for her. If the driver was female she would go by herself. If the driver was male, he would go with her, then come back alone in the Uber. Since it was bar closing time, I was the ONLY driver for miles around.

He says “Man, this ride is costing me double because you have testicles.”


Rude college kid
Four college kids going to a bar. 3 girls, 1 boy. General conversation taking place. One of the girls says “Here’s what I think, blah blah blah.”

Another girl says “I think, blah blah blah.”

I chimed in, “I think, blah blah blah, but what do I know, I’m just the driver.”

The boy says “That’s right, you’re just here to drive the car, bish.”

Pulled over to the curb. “Hey kid, what do you call someone who disrespects me in my own car? Give up??? A pedestrian. BYE!!”

My first time ever kicking people out of my car, it felt great.


Too stoned
2:15pm on a Friday, pick up a woman in her low 30’s from a mall, headed to a grocery store.

Me: How’s your day?
Her: Good.
Me: Do you take a lot of Lyft and Uber?
Her: I’ll be honest, I’m stoned as shyt right now. I can’t, even, uh….

LMAO. Maybe a grocery store isn’t the best place for me to drop you off.


Who is worse
Amazingly drunk couple stumbling to the car, doing the sideways walking thing while holding each other up for mutual support. I was still green at the driving adventure, should have driven away right there but didn’t know any better.

View attachment 301734

They get in, and they are arguing. Playful, but serious. It went something like this:

“You’re such a _.”
“Well you’re just a _.”
“Well, if you wouldn’t screw everything with two legs!”
“Yeah, well you HIT me!”
“You hit me too, so don’t be all churchy on me.”
“You hit me harder. That’s why you got four years in jail and I only got two.”

My eyes popped open with surprise at what I’m hearing! The guy turns to me and says “Can you tell we love each other?”

I said “Is this a good time to let you guys know I have a dash cam?” (note: there are obvious signs on display throughout the vehicle)

He says “You have a dash cam? SHOW HIM A BOOB!!” and reaches over and yanks a boob out of her shirt.

ROFLMAO! Was really torn on how to rate that ride…

(Click here to see the video)


Best Driver Ever
Picked up near the city core, a couple women that live 2 hours outside of town, they get in the city about once every 2-4 months. Verified the name. One of them immediately asks “Didn’t you used to drive a different color (vehicle)?”

I look at them but I didn’t recognize either one. Surprised, I responded: “I did. But I sold that car over a year ago.”

They talk to each other quietly, pointing at me. This is the guy. Seriously? Him? Yes! No way! OMG!

Oh shit. Now I’m freaking out, wondering what I did that was SO BAD that they remembered me from almost 2 years ago!

“Do you remember us?” they ask.

“No, sorry ladies, I’ve given a lot of rides.”

They said “You drove us before. You don’t remember us? You’re the BEST. DRIVER. EVER!!!”

Awww…

They continued: “I can’t believe you don’t remember us! We were in town for the game. You were taking us through downtown, and this guy ran a red light. Some kind of red sport car, I think it was a Camaro. He was going like 40 or 45 miles an hour. You slammed on the brakes, and the car kind of skidded sideways a little. You were really pissed! But if you hadn’t stopped, he would have killed us! You SAVED our LIVES! Whenever anyone back home asks us about Lyft or Uber, we tell them about YOU!! You’re famous!”

They remembered me not only because the experience was traumatic (for them) but because one of them drives the same kind of vehicle.


Exotic animal
Heading to pickup, the business sign reads “WILD AND EXOTIC animals”. Naturally, I saw the Wild and Exotic part and assumed I was getting either a dancer or a bunch of drunks.

Guy gets in with a Catacal, which is an oversized cat that looks like a mini-Lynx. Really long ears and really long teeth. It was so cool!

View attachment 301733

Actual pic! This particular specimen is only 4 months old. They have been known to jump 8 feet in the air to catch birds. This ride made my day!


Waiting for the light to change
Summertime, 3:30am, driving along a one way street (3 lanes). I’m in the middle lane and stop for the red light. Across the intersection, one lane to the left, is a vehicle that is facing me, also stopped.

It’s a suburban, with a 20-something guy at the wheel. His arm is hanging out the window holding a cigarette; his eyes glazed over; looking like Joe Cool. He is sitting there waiting for the light to change also.

My light turned green. I pulled up next to him and said “Hey, you’re waiting for the light to change, but it’s not gonna, because there is no light. The reason there’s no light is because you’re going the wrong way on a one way street. Have a good night.” And I pulled away slowly, watching him in my mirror.

As I drove away I could see the wheels turning in his head. He pulled slowly forward, looking around and realizing that all the cars are parked the opposite way, and all the street signs are backwards. From his back seat I hear a panicked passenger shouting “WTF man! This is a one way?!? What the ____ are you doing! WTF!!”


Worst night ever
(This did not happen to me, it happened to a driver friend of mine)

My buddy picks up a young drunk woman on Lyft. They get on the freeway and the ride cancels. She claims she didn’t cancel it, as she turns her phone away so he can’t see.

He gets off the freeway and pulls into a parking lot. She asks what’s going on; he says he can’t take her unless he’s giving her a ride. She gets really mad; they exchange a few more words, and she storms out of his car.

As she is walking away, he sees that her backside is all wet. He turns and looks at the seat she was sitting in, and there is a puddle of pee! He gets out of the car and she runs away.

The camera on his phone is broken, so he can’t take pictures. He frantically cleans it up as fast as he can. Fortunately, he has leather seats.

He calls it in to Lyft, but without pictures they won’t give him anything. Furthermore, since the ride was cancelled within a certain distance, he won’t even get a minimum fare out of it! (Lyft lie #34: “We’ve got your back”)

My friend is unbelievably angry. He calls me, and I calm him down. I remind him that it was bound to happen sometime, that the night is still young and there is a lot of money to be made. I remind him that with leather seats and his quick reaction to it, there wasn’t really any damage other than not getting paid. I advise him to go have a cup of coffee and let his car air out for 30 minutes, then get back at it. He takes my advice and sits down for a burger somewhere to cool off.

3 hours later, he calls me again, even MORE pissed off than before. What now? How could it get any worse?

He was just rear ended by a drunk driver, and one of his pax says her neck hurts.


Saved the wedding
6 people in a wedding party were getting pictures taken down by the river. They ordered 2 Ubers to take them to the wedding location. The 1st driver drove around in circles for 10 minutes then eventually cancelled on them, I was the 2nd driver.

They were panicked. They tried ordering another Uber, but the ‘closest’ was 10 minutes away, and we have to get to the wedding! Like, right now! Can you take us all?

“I can only fit four in my car.”

Dude, puh-leeze! I’ll give you extra! Here’s cash. It’s just right over the river, at the ___ hotel.

Hmmmm. An hour’s pay to go 2 miles away. Okay, okay, let’s go. Get in. Mista T to the rescue!

Bride in the front, big ass white wedding dress all poofed out across the entire front of my car. Can’t even see my middle console any more. Guy behind me in a tux, two women sitting next to him. One woman laying across them. Another woman laying on top of her. All the women (except the bride) in very bright purple-red bridesmaids dresses, each with large bouquets of flowers. Driving through rush hour downtown, pedestrians pointing and laughing their butts off at the wedding clown car.

View attachment 301732

* If anyone from Uber or Lyft corporate is reading this, I made it all up. I would never intentionally break the law while driving for your exceptionally fine companies. Click here for the real story.
That damn video link isn't working. :wink:
 
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