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Domestic dispute

ariel5466

Well-Known Member
This happened the day before yesterday but I still keep thinking about it.
Picked up a woman in downtown Richmond, when I asked how she was doing she said she was tired so I didn't push forward with conversation. When we get on I-195 she says "could you do me a favor?"
I don't want to say yes without knowing what the favor is so I just say "Perhaps, what's up?"
She then informs me that before I picked her up she had a really bad argument with her boyfriend and that she just noticed he was following us. She asked if we could stop at a gas station and try to shake him because she didn't want him following us to our destination, which was her mom's house in Ashland.
I tell her "of course" and get off on the nearest exit and start making my way to where I know there's a very busy Wawa. I've always been that friend who's everyone's care-taker. That instinct kicks in and I'm feeling worried for her and I want to do whatever I can to help protect her. I ask her if we should call the police but she tells me that she's on parole and doesn't want to involve any cops.
She tells me about how horrible and unhealthy their relationship is and since she's on parole he uses that to threaten her. She feels like she has to do whatever he says or he'll call her PO and get her locked up again. She's embarrassed to be in this situation and apologizes for inconveniencing me, and I assure her not to worry about it and I tell her I've got her back.
At a red light he pulls up next to us. She rolls down her window and talks to him. He's demanding that she come back home with him. And then she says she will.
She asks me to drop her back off where I picked her up. She's obviously scared of him. I ask her if she's sure, and she says she doesn't have a choice.
I do what she asks and drop her off, her boyfriend still following us. Before she gets out of my car I ask again if she's sure, and tell her I can take her anywhere else. She thanks me but insists she has to go with him, and I just tell her "be safe." She gets out of my car and into his.
She left me a tip the next morning so I think she's okay. I just wish there was more that I could do. For a split second I thought of giving her my number and telling her I'd come back and pick her up if she needed to leave but I quickly thought better. There really wasn't anything I could do for her and the last thing I need is to get sucked in to a stranger's drama. But I keep thinking about it, and how horrible I felt dropping her off with him. I really hope everything works out for her. No one deserves that kind of emotional abuse.
 

TomTheAnt

Well-Known Member
IMO you did the right thing. Especially in this case where she said she is on parole and obviously there's something illegal she is also doing if she doesn't want to get cops involved with the fear of that being revoked.

Yes, it sucks for her and I understand you having compassion for her, but there's only so much you can do as an U/L driver. One of the last things an Uber driver needs to be involved with is other people's domestic situations. She needs to figure out the situation out by herself with the help of her friends and family.
 
I agree. As someone who's had a number of friends who'd been in domestic abuse situations, you can only do so much until they're ready to actively seek help to escape.

My only other thought was, perhaps, once she'd informed you that he was following you, I would have suggested hitting the safety button on the drive screen. God forbid his tailing you turned dangerous, at least your ride would be monitored. That is, if I'm correct in my assumption how that Uber feature is supposed to function?
 
You should have gotten out and beaten her boyfriend with a tire iron while asking him, "How does it feel now to be on the receiving end buddy?"
Then tip your hat to the lady and say, "All in a day's work ma'am. No extra charge."
Unfortunately, two problems I see:
1) He could wrest the tire iron from her, and turn it on her and/or his girlfriend;
2) She goes back to him, and he takes it out on her.
 

ariel5466

Well-Known Member
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14
I find the whole thing kind of scary. Parole means she was released from Prison. That’s scary.
She was in prison, yes, but that's not necessarily scary. I didn't ask her about that but it could've easily been a simple drug possession charge, it could've even been for weed. They still go hard on that in VA. Plus, being on parole means a board of people deemed that she was fit to return to society. She seemed like a perfectly decent person to me. We all make mistakes, and sometimes people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
 

R3drang3r

Well-Known Member
This happened the day before yesterday but I still keep thinking about it.
Picked up a woman in downtown Richmond, when I asked how she was doing she said she was tired so I didn't push forward with conversation. When we get on I-195 she says "could you do me a favor?"
I don't want to say yes without knowing what the favor is so I just say "Perhaps, what's up?"
She then informs me that before I picked her up she had a really bad argument with her boyfriend and that she just noticed he was following us. She asked if we could stop at a gas station and try to shake him because she didn't want him following us to our destination, which was her mom's house in Ashland.
I tell her "of course" and get off on the nearest exit and start making my way to where I know there's a very busy Wawa. I've always been that friend who's everyone's care-taker. That instinct kicks in and I'm feeling worried for her and I want to do whatever I can to help protect her. I ask her if we should call the police but she tells me that she's on parole and doesn't want to involve any cops.
She tells me about how horrible and unhealthy their relationship is and since she's on parole he uses that to threaten her. She feels like she has to do whatever he says or he'll call her PO and get her locked up again. She's embarrassed to be in this situation and apologizes for inconveniencing me, and I assure her not to worry about it and I tell her I've got her back.
At a red light he pulls up next to us. She rolls down her window and talks to him. He's demanding that she come back home with him. And then she says she will.
She asks me to drop her back off where I picked her up. She's obviously scared of him. I ask her if she's sure, and she says she doesn't have a choice.
I do what she asks and drop her off, her boyfriend still following us. Before she gets out of my car I ask again if she's sure, and tell her I can take her anywhere else. She thanks me but insists she has to go with him, and I just tell her "be safe." She gets out of my car and into his.
She left me a tip the next morning so I think she's okay. I just wish there was more that I could do. For a split second I thought of giving her my number and telling her I'd come back and pick her up if she needed to leave but I quickly thought better. There really wasn't anything I could do for her and the last thing I need is to get sucked in to a stranger's drama. But I keep thinking about it, and how horrible I felt dropping her off with him. I really hope everything works out for her. No one deserves that kind of emotional abuse.
Domestic disputes can turn ugly very quickly. It's one of the most dangerous calls that a police officer can go on.
Two people trying to kill each other one minute. Then somebody steps in and tries to restrain one of them. Only to have both of them attack the intervening party.
The best thing for you to do is to call the police, and let them handle it.
Don't be too quick to take her side either. She's telling you she's a parolee. This woman isn't exactly Snow White.
Remember there's two sides to every story.
 

DriverMark

Well-Known Member
Kudos for doing all you could.

Some people are their own worst enemy. These situations are very sad. In the end though, she needs to make the choice to leave. I'm sure even her PO would give her help and perhaps present options for her to get out of what is going on. And also be aware of what her jack wad boy friend is doing. But, you can't help people if they don't want it.
 

R3drang3r

Well-Known Member
She was in prison, yes, but that's not necessarily scary. I didn't ask her about that but it could've easily been a simple drug possession charge, it could've even been for weed. They still go hard on that in VA. Plus, being on parole means a board of people deemed that she was fit to return to society. She seemed like a perfectly decent person to me. We all make mistakes, and sometimes people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'll tell you what is Scarry. Is how incredibly naive you are. You act like somebody who was born last night.
You're making one heck of a big assumption regarding this woman. That's going to get you seriously injured or killed one of these days.
This person landed in jail. Chances are most likely that she has more than one prior. There's no way of telling what she has been arrested for in her past.
And you say a parole board deemed her fit to return to society. People are released from prison every day. But not because they're deemed fit for society. Prisons are overcrowded and early releases Are becoming quite common. I suppose you're going to reply that she has also been rehabilitated.
Making mistakes and being in the wrong place at the wrong time? That statement could easily apply to you lately.
 

Wrb06wrx

Well-Known Member
Domestic disputes can turn ugly very quickly. It's one of the most dangerous calls that a police officer can go on.
Two people trying to kill each other one minute. Then somebody steps in and tries to restrain one of them. Only to have both of them attack the intervening party.
The best thing for you to do is to call the police, and let them handle it.
Don't be too quick to take her side either. She's telling you she's a parolee. This woman isn't exactly Snow White.
Remember there's two sides to every story.
Theres actually 3 sides to every story what he said what she said and what actually happend that's also why domestics are so dangerous for police officers because when people are emotionally charged they're never thinking clearly which effects everything
 

stpetej

Well-Known Member
I'll tell you what is Scarry. Is how incredibly naive you are. You act like somebody who was born last night.
You're making one heck of a big assumption regarding this woman. That's going to get you seriously injured or killed one of these days.
This person landed in jail. Chances are most likely that she has more than one prior. There's no way of telling what she has been arrested for in her past.
And you say a parole board deemed her fit to return to society. People are released from prison every day. But not because they're deemed fit for society. Prisons are overcrowded and early releases Are becoming quite common. I suppose you're going to reply that she has also been rehabilitated.
Making mistakes and being in the wrong place at the wrong time? That statement could easily apply to you lately.
Hey, back off. Don't insult her. She did what she thought was right.
 

R3drang3r

Well-Known Member
Theres actually 3 sides to every story what he said what she said and what actually happend that's also why domestics are so dangerous for police officers because when people are emotionally charged they're never thinking clearly which effects everything
Very true.

Emotionally charged compounded By the fact that they're probably high on alcohol or drugs.

I was a police officer when I was younger. I can't tell you how many times I was injured Responding to domestic disputes. They're very unpredictable and highly volatile.
 
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